NYPD Blue
A Hole In Juan

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A Hole In Juan

At the Bowery, also known as Hookerland, Diane and Kirky arrive. They ask one hooker (who reminds me, in a good way, of Katherine on Talk Radio) where Rosanna is, and she goes, all exposition-y, "Rosanna is about to get in some drama around the corner. Mm-hmm." Drama! Make it gritty, too, please? Thanks. So Kirky and Di approach Rosanna -- a short 'n' sassy hooker-looking woman in a red halter top and Daisy Dukes cut-offs, with total butt cheek exposed for all to see. She's having words (including "Forty dollars!") with this transvestite with such a big, ugly head I'll call her Frankenhooker. Finally Frankenhooker goes, "It's a BABY, you dumb crack ho!" and grabs Rosanna by the shoulders menacingly. Di and Kirky sprint up and break it up. Frankenhooker divas out, grabbing her head and screaming "Oh!" like a little delicate flower is about to be thrown in the lake. They both get taken in, with Rosanna screaming "GREAT!" and Frankenhooker yelling at passersby, "What are you looking at! Looking at my moo-moo," and the Katherine look-alike is all like, "Remember who told you!" to Di and Kirky, and Frankenhooker goes, "Little miss sarcastic bitch!" I think you mean tattletale bitch, but hee hee anyway.

At Maria's apartment, Sip and Ricky arrive to find the door chained. "Kick it in! But don't break the frame!" They do and find Romeo with his head in the oven. "He's trying to do this because of you!" Maria yells. Sip says, all pot-to-kettle, "Maybe it's because of your bossy mouth that he's trying to kill himself!" Score one for Sip. Maria pays no mind and says, "What about my possessions, Romeo? What would happen when you blew this place to smithereens?" Ricky drags Romeo to the window and he says he was scared that they would pin the murder on him, so he stuck his head in the oven. "Don't claim innocence yet!" yells Sip. They drag him out while Maria yells, "The reason you stuck your head in the oven is because you ain't got no sense of consideration! Don't go dying on me!" 'Cause she cares so much, don't you know.

After some establishing shots of the stationhouse, we see Kirky and Di hauling a hooker each up the steps. Gay John, tiptoeing down the stairs, sees them and looks alarmed. Rosanna yells, "Would you ask her the whereabouts of my baby at the present?" and Frankenhooker goes, "You got some nerve asking me some question like that!" They get Rosanna and Frankenhooker (whose name is Inez) into separate interrogation rooms and Gay John stares after Inez transfixed, like she's My First Tranny Hooker by Playskool or something.

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NYPD Blue

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