Daveless In New York

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B | Grade It Now!
Blue is back, now with 75% more ass!

Never before have I been so happy to learn that this show contains adult language and -- be still my heart -- partial nudity! Ah, nudity. Is there nothing it can't do?

Previously, on NYPD Blue: Di kisses Denby, blech. Denby's charred corpse appears in a dumpster, then comes back to life. Kirky almost takes a fall but Di and Fancy hold her up. Di wears a red tank top and gets yelled at by Fancy. Theo's impending leukemia makes Sip weak.

Sip folds up a hideaway bed. When me and my mom lived in gritty (gritty!) New York City, we shared a bunk bed for a while. It was not fun at all: she made me sleep in the bottom bunk and taped notes to the bottom side of the top bunk. Later, we got a Murphy bed, but I wasn't allowed to sleep in it. I think Sip should get a Murphy bed -- it would add some grit. Anyways -- hey, are people still going to say "anyways" on this show, now that David Milch is gone? All the cool Blue language comes from him, you know. From new guy Bochco comes things like Cop Rock. Actually, I shouldn't complain. Cop Rock would be a perfect show to recap for Mighty Big TV. So, let's begin this new season, shall we?

Sip folds up a hideaway bed. From the other room, Katie and Theo, the adorable one, emerge. I guess Katie slept over. Theo wants to wear his green striped shirt, Sip gets all gasket-blow-y and says, "Katie," and she promises to wash the green shirt and asks Theo to get into his "non-stinky" blue shirt. Theo trots off (aww!), and Sip starts muttering about Theo's color and hasn't it improved in the last few days? Katie says she doesn't know and "we all project what we want to see." Dude. That is so true. Andy fusses and fusses and fusses some more and Katie drops some more truth, reminding him that the hospital will have his blood tests in five days then they'll know if Theo's better or not. Sip says he can't wait five days. Sip. Chill. Theo scrambles back in, wearing the non-stinky blue shirt and looking adorable, and says that he's ready to go to school now. And I'm just about ready to eat you up, sweet thing! Mwah.

We're on the street. We zoom all around a gritty, gritty, oh so gritty New York City street and finally rush up to a sign that reads Zip's Burgers. Just as this isn't really New York, and this show isn't going to be any good anymore now that Milch has said goodbye, there isn't any Zip's Burgers. Maybe, somewhere in the world, there is some crummy burger joint named Zip's, but on any large, important level? There it doesn't exist. What exists, now that Milch has gone and taken his great dialogue and meaningful storylines with him, is wavy, stomach-turning camera work. Visual style. And asses. So bring 'em on! I missed them!

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