NYPD Blue
Everybody Plays The Mule

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Everybody Plays The Mule

Yay! Hooray! The disclaimer features adult language and partial nudity! Oh please let it be the new guy! Please please please! Lord, if the nudity features Baldwin, make no sign. Thy will be done. Yay!

Last time on Blue, the new guy Baldwin Jones arrived, even though Fancy was not alerted to his impending arrival before it happened. A simple telephone call would have worked, but noooo. Baldwin and Greg Medavoy hit it off just fine, and Baldwin said, "I appreciate you extending yourself to me." So sweet! And Mary wouldn't eat the lasagna she made for Ricky because she's too nervous. Ricky says that's silly of her. I think it's just weird. Eat, why don't you, your collarbones are sticking out like knives!

After a wicked keyboard solo (I should say "wykked!") we arrive at Ricky's apartment where he's having a nightmare. He says over and over again, "Stay away!" Mary's asleep right next to him in bed, but that's not the reason he's having a nightmare. He finally wakes up, tosses off Mary's Extended Arm of Concern and she goes, "All right!" Excuse you, missy! Don't you touch him! Ricky sits on the edge of the bed and collects himself: "Brother. Sorry, Mary." Not me, Mary. Ricky was having a nightmare about a scary fire, where he had to rescue his sisters: "You know who didn't help at all?" Mary puts on her Dr. Freud Beard & Mustache Set to listen. Ding ding ding! It was his MOTHER. Mary takes off the beard and says, "It was just a dream." How insightful, not. Ricky goes, "Anyways, good morning." Mary says she's off work today and was thinking of trying her "gnocchi extravaganza." Mmm, I wish I dated someone that cooked. And Mary doesn't even eat! More for me! Ricky says, "Here?" Like, use your own kitchen, Betty Crockerino! Mary makes a face and says, "Not necessarily...you don't really have the facilities." Mary so wants to move in. Then, grumping out, Mary asks, "Why are you so angry at me for? I didn't make you have a bad dream." Ricky says he's sorry and leaves her to her snit fit. Jeez, Ricky, you could use a more patient, mature woman...like maybe Diane?

Woosh! Bloosh! The subway rushes toward us, and the roar of its engine becomes lost in the pounding drums that are the very heartbeat of New York City! Boom boom boom! Theme song! Go keyboards!

Some weird vocals join the keyboards and we land at a crime scene just as the drums stop pounding. Boy, New York is loud and has dramatic music. Kirky and Di roll up to a stopped bus and a crowd of people. A uniformed cop explains to them that there's a DOA under the bus. Wow, a DOA! That's a new one, not. Di goes and takes a look and is totally grossed out, joining the club of which I'm a member. "She's really mangled under there." GROSS. She and Di go to quiz the poor bus driver, who says, "I hit a cat once and it took me a year to get over THAT." Poor guy. He also says he saw someone throw the woman from a van right under the wheels of his bus: "Face first, like he was aiming." He didn't get a license plate number because he "didn't think that quick." Bummer. As Di and Kirky split, the uniformed cop hands over a necklace found at the scene, with some Latin phrase on it? Maybe it was a saint's medal? I couldn't see; my TV is really small. Sorry.

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