NYPD Blue
Everybody Plays The Mule

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Everybody Plays The Mule

After the ads (including the one for Fed Ex featuring the ballerina commando dudes, hee!), Di and Kirky head in to talk with Fancy. They've found the boyfriend of Edie the mangled-bus-girl, whose name is Lucas. He's currently "puking his guts out in the john," sick with stomach flu. I'm just going to stop writing "gross" at this point, but you know I'm thinking it. Di and Kirky haven't questioned him yet, so they have yet to see how he reacts to the news that his girlfriend's dead. Fancy asks if it looks like he tossed her under the bus, and Di is like, "This guy looks like he couldn't toss a bean bag." So much for not making assumptions, right?

Natasha returns with a photo of her boys (real-life boys, not a moose and squirrel) for Ricky and Sip. Ricky, all good-cop-y, is like, "That's real helpful." Aww. Then Natasha says that her husband's sister can't be hiding her sons because Natasha and she are homies: "We take walks, we drink tea." You know, Russian lady stuff. Then she says that her husband is a building manager but recently has been a "day trader...you know, internet stocks." Ding ding ding! I don't know about you, but I equate "day trader" with "insane person," and not just since that horrible shooting incident in Georgia. Oh, and Boris? Also "hears voices," and has been checked into Bellevue. Okay then! Nuts it is! Sip and Ricky rush off to find him because they know that if committed he can't go to trial, and they are in the arresting game, not the tell-me-about-your-voices game.

Di and Kirky head into the interrogation room where Lucas is looking rather green. Di says generously, "Sorry you're feeling so lousy." So thoughtful! Kirky says they have "unhappy news" for him. Lucas, all innocently, says, "She didn't make it? She got killed in that bus accident? Oh my God..." The unconvincing waterworks start up as he continues moaning, "She was the sweetest person!" Di and Kirky un-roll their eyes from the backs of their heads and start asking questions. Was he out this morning? No, he was sick with the flu. Did anyone have a reason to want to harm Edie? "People LOVED Edie," Lucas cries. Can Lucas drive a van, or does he know anyone that drives a van? "I don't get these questions." It looks like there's a LOT you don't get, Lucas. But anyway...Di and Kirky have to "go talk to [their] boss" before they let him go, and Lucas seems very upset about this: "I'm sick and dehydrated!" Di says, "You know what's good for that? Push fluids." Kirky sets a garbage can by him and they leave him to twist in the wind.

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NYPD Blue

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