NYPD Blue
Everybody Plays The Mule

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Everybody Plays The Mule

Cut to a basement where a Russian maintenance guy is leading Ricky and Sip somewhere. All three of them comment on a strong, nasty smell, like bleach. I thank God once again that I don't have Smell-o-Vision. He's describing finding Boris here, acting nuts (surprise) right around when his boys went missing. The maintenance guy describes finding Boris sitting there, "toying with a knife. Like this," and then the camera waves down to show him making a figure eight. Creepy! The nasty smell gets stronger near a cubbyhole. Then Ricky climbs up to peek inside the cubbyhole and sees dusty little boots, attached to little legs. "Oh no, Andy." Sip says, "Oh God."

Di and Kirky are facing off with an oily, black t-shirt and Armani-jacketed man. Rico? Suave. Kirky, making fun of his smoooth confidence, says, "Check out Rico's body language. What if Luke's girlfriend was still alive when he gutted her? Then you'd be looking at a murder collar." Rico must have watched a lot of cops shows on TV, because he's cool as ice when he says, "I don't find that credible. If I was there, the lady had already passed away." Di's like, "Ooh, 'the lady.'" Smirking their faces off, Kirky and Di tell Rico (Suave) that Lucas has already done a full flip on him, but since Rico is "such a stand-up guy," he won't flip on Lucas. Di snarkily says, "Rico wants to be looking at his Ricky Martin poster in slam." Di will wear you out! Living la vida loca, come on! Rico says, "Is that a racial put-down? Let me say something racial about Edie and Lucas. They're white, they look good. When you tell them they could make $5000, their eyes light up, 'Honey, did you hear that? We could move and get a big house in Vermont!' Two white chumps -- clueless." Wise words, Rico, but I think the real white chumps are the people that believe drug mules make $5000 per trip. And anyway, is $5000 worth O.D.-ing, and being gutted and tossed under a bus? Uh, NO. Rico then says gutting someone means he's "an adult" who knew what had to be done. Kirky asks what adult would then toss a corpse under a bus, and Rico's like, Aha! "You said corpse!" Then Di's like, Aha! All that heroin makes for a felony and about fifteen years in prison! Rico says, "I withdraw everything I just said." Di goes, "Ever try squeezing the toothpaste back into the tube?" Then she and Kirky smirk out on Rico (Suave). So, what size Ricky Martin poster would you like? Bon or Bon-Bon?

Meanwhile Baldwin is typing up his report on Boris's confession and Greg runs over to add that he personally heard everything. Baldwin is all like, Say what? Then Sip and Ricky run over to add that they read Boris his rights on the way back from the hospital. Baldwin is like, Is he gonna remember that? Baldwin looks like he doesn't dig this lying thing but he'll go along with it, and makes to leave. Sip says, This is squad work, and Baldwin is like, "Did I say I had a problem with it? You wanna cut out reading my mind -- you're not that good at it." Sip says, "It's your case," and shuts up. After Baldwin is gone, Sip opens his mouth again and says, "I used to have a yellow laminated card, and when I'd collar up I'd shove it in the guy's face and say, 'You see this, prick!' Then I could testify I gave him his Miranda." Fancy says dryly, "Years ago, right?"

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