Fools Russian

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now!
Fools Russian

The stupid electric drums boom hollowly, and we're at the station house. They have an ID on the big fat corpse: it's a Russian guy from Nassau County who may or may not have had ties to the Russian mafia. I love how people say "Russian mafia," as if that makes it sexier or more exotic than the other mafias. I guess the main mafia is Italian, right? Which is still sexy, but not as sexy as all that big-furry-hat-Dr. Zhivago stuff can be. One of the greatest compliments I got in college is when I carried a beeper (I was a nanny, okay?) and one of my professors asked me if I was in the Russian mafia. Whatever those guys do, it has to be way sexier than changing diapers at the zoo. So then we learn that "Ivgenia" -- I shit you not -- has been in Walt Disney World this week and just got back last night. Hope she got to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean once more before they shut it down. Di's going to talk to her today. "Ivgenia," I'm not going to even touch that.

In walks the new ADA, who "mornings" everyone and rolls her eyes at Sip. She strides over to Fancy's office and allows herself a little "aww" moment when she sees his office is vacant. Baldwin rushes up like a hornball, and tells her that Fancy's in computer training and would she like some coffee or to make out or something, and maybe see his ass a little later on? She says yes, but I still think she likes Fancy.

So Ricky gets off the phone. They've found the dead Russian's Mercedes in a chop shop, and he hands all the info over to Sip, ignoring Di who's sitting right next to him. Di stalks off as Sip and Ricky get ready to go to the place, with Sip making disparaging comments about the cops in Nassau County. What'd they ever do to you, Sip?

So Sip and Ricky roll up to the chop shop and ask the gritty-looking guy, "Are you Babb-ass?" The guy yells, "Ba-BASS," and then, "City, state, or federal?" I think this guy has seen cops before, do you? So he tells them that a Tristan Gibbs asked him to strip a car, but the car was a Mercedes with "nine alarm systems" and he couldn't touch it, so he parked it in Williamsburg to get stolen. Then he gives up Tristan's phone number, and off go Ricky and Sip to find him.

Station house. Two nearly naked (boxers, if you care about that sort of thing) Chinese men are hauled in, yammering in Chinese. The Asian cop says they were found like this, "yammering" out on the street and that they seem half out of their minds. Yeah, beaten and scratched bloody, too. Baldwin asks what they're saying and the uniform says, "Don't ask me, I'm Korean." Bu-dum-dum. One of the Chinese guys collapses and the other one talks in Chinese. Medavoy starts picking out words because he understands Chinese. It's something about the Chinese guy's sister. We go to commercial.

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