NYPD Blue
Jackass

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Jackass

Warning: This episode of Blue contains NO NUDITY. Use your imagination.

Previously, Fancy asked Baldwin's old boss why he didn't get a call about Baldwin's transfer, and the old boss said, "It was on my to-do list"; Katie rambled on about how a "crackhead porn fan" taught her a lesson about God and how Sip should take the same lesson and apply it to Theo. Sip looked very owl-y at this baloney.

The funky keyboards bring us through a beautiful day in New York and finally to the station house. An old-school-looking cop guy is pacing back and forth waiting for Sip. Ricky's like, "Cruller, Eddie? I just put 'em out. Coffee?" The guy says no, he'll "go through the roof." Sip comes in. "Andy! Thank goodness! How ya been? I need to speak with you." John comes in with a beret on, a polka-dotted scarf and a similarly dotted vest. Sip gives him a double-take and goes off to talk to the old-school guy. In wonder, Ricky watches John toss his beret onto the coat hook. What style John's got!

In the coffee room, Sip and Eddie face off tensely, like a reunion between Eddie Haskell and the Beav. Eddie whips out his wallet and says, "The whole things on me," and puts a $100 bill on the table between them. Sip says that $100 isn't enough for a murder. Eddie says if there's anyone he wants murdered it's the bum who gave him eight hours notice to find a new date for his "sweetheart of a thirty-eight-year-old plain-looking niece." Sip looks terrified and backs against the wall. Eddie adds that Mia, the niece, has multiple sclerosis. "Oh great, toss in a fatal disease," snipes Sip. "My answer is no." Eddie, no fool, asks, "When can I hope for an alternative." Andy looks weak and says, "I need to seek counsel. And a sitter. GO AWAY. I'll call in a couple of hours." Eddie looks happy and hopeful and reaches out his arms to say, "I'LL be your sitter." Sip glowers.

Out in the office, Fancy notifies Ricky of a homicide in an apartment building. "Looks gang-related." As Sip and Eddie emerge from the coffee room, Eddie hollers, "This guy is one of the greats! Take care!" Ricky and Sip exit, heading to check out the homicide, with Sip giving John a double take. Nice beret, he's thinking. Not.

Woosh! Bloosh! Theme song! Credits!

In the apartment building with the homicide, the building manager is describing the horrible smell that led him to investigate, sort of: "I got one whiff and did a one-eighty. My paycheck don't include crime-fighting services." The DOA's name is Ricky Garrero and his "steady company" is Mimi. Sip tells him to "breathe through his mouth." Di and Kirky go to canvass the neighborhood and the rest go back in to check out the body. It's bloated, with flies buzzing all around. Ricky says "Whoa," and Greg runs to barf. There's graffiti on the wall -- a pentagram and some writing: "PRs Out." Sip checks it out and says, "Okay we got a nine inside a Jewish star..." Baldwin says, "Nine-Trade Gangster. And I don't think that's a Jewish star." Sip shoots him a look and Ricky ahems and says, "Six points." Sip just says, "So we can eliminate the Israelis. Does this look like a gang hit?" Baldwin says no, and Sip says they're going to have to alert the Bureau anyway. Medavoy comes back with cotton stuffed up his nose, and Ricky tells him not to "visualize licking a dirty ashtray or chugging a gallon of cooking oil." Sip says if Greg barfs on the DOA, Greg's cleaning it up, and Greg barely makes it out of the room before hurling. Medavoy can do some fine fake barfing, for sure. Ricky totally cracks up and Baldwin says, "Tough crowd."

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