Little Abner

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Little Abner

Sip and Ricky bring David into the interrogation room. After denying it for a while ("I loved Pat!" "I think you loved him and you murdered him!"), David confesses. Sip advises him to say that he didn't bring the gun with him. David thanks him for the tip. Another crime solved by a person walking in off the street!

Baldwin goes into the pokey where Paul (Not a Rapist but a Huge Asshole) is hanging out: "I've had all of this cell I need." Others think differently, Paul. Baldwin hands over the envelope of Paul's stupid belongings. Paul asks, "That video set you straight? See, here's my St. Christopher's." Great, Paul. Baldwin says that if Shanice filed a complaint for being beaten and chained to a radiator they would follow up on that for sure, and WHAM, Baldwin slams his hand down on Paul's shoulder. Paul winces and says, "Easy there, brother!" Baldwin recites the laundry list of Paul's wrongdoings while still squeezing his shoulder and says, "You've got a problem, Paul." Paul, squirming like the weasel he is, says, "You keep this up and I'm going to get myself a lawyer." Baldwin THROWS him up against the cage and yells, "You want a lawyer? You want a lawyer?" Then he RIPS A PHONE BOOK in half and throws one half at Paul and says, "You look in one half, I'll look in the other. Now you walk yourself out. AND YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!" GO BALDWIN!

It's the end of the day. Ricky comes out and gets on the phone, ordering a DA to hear David's confession. Baldwin tells Di he talked to Paul. Di is glad. Sip says he needs to get "dopey Dave" a root beer. Ricky hangs up the phone and says, "Abner's dead. He ate his gun." The office stops. The blinds are still down in Fancy's office, and Sip asks Baldwin if he wants to go give him some company. Baldwin says he thinks if the boss wanted company he wouldn't have the blinds down, and Sip says, "You never met a guy so complicated that he had the blinds down signaling he wanted company?" Baldwin hasn't, and Sip goes, "Don't take that tone like it's out of the realm of possibility."

Fancy comes out of his office and says, "I guess you've all heard Lt. Abner's passed." Yeah, they heard. Sip says he's sorry: "Not that he'd want to see my name featured in the guest book." Oh that Sip, always thinking of other people's feelings. Fancy says goodnight and leaves. Baldwin chases him down the stairs, puppy-like, until Fancy stops him and says, "I don't have any answers for you. I can't tell you why he died." Oh Fancy, I wish you had all the answers too. Fancy tries to change the subject and says, "So you gave that guy a talking-to?" Yeah, Baldwin told him a thing or two, all right. They go down the stairs together and Sip walks out and looks after them. Wistfully? Nah -- but wishing he could be like them. Maybe not black like them, but you know what I mean.

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