Little Abner

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Little Abner

Greg and Baldwin go to have a chat with Paul. Paul gives Baldwin a pound but disses Greg with a weak handshake. I hate Paul. Paul goes on to say that he did not rape Shanice, because he's "been hitting that thing for three months." Greg casually asks how Shanice got that black eye. Oh, "That was on account of her stealing my neck chain. That's got my St. Christopher on it. My moms gave me that." Greg calmly says, "So you hit her to get it back?" Paul says that after he and Shanice did it, he broke up with her and she went "psycho," so he had to beat her off himself. He cuffed her -- his brother is a corrections officer -- and left her a "warm blanket, some water, and a cup to pee in." Then, first thing in the morning, he let her free. Oh, well, that makes sense, if you're a huge asshole. Baldwin swallows his bile and says there's still these rape charges. THEN, as if Paul wasn't repulsive enough, he says he has PROOF he didn't rape Shanice. A tape. He tapes himself having sex! He's got a whole rig set up in his closet. Why? To "protect myself. Look at what happened to Tyson! Bitches come after your nest egg." RIGHT -- men don't commit crimes against women, and all us women are scheming, plotting bitches trying to sabotage men. Oh, I hate Paul. So, his brother can get the tape down here. Baldwin says, "Give him a call," and Paul , not missing a beat, says, "Give me the horn." Baldwin looks at Paul like, I hate you. Yay Baldwin.

The super lets Fancy into Lt. Abner's apartment. He goes down the hall. Nothing. Nothing in the bedroom either. He pokes his head into the bathroom, and there's Lt. Abner, lying in the tub. He's shot himself. Fancy checks for a pulse, finds none, and slumps against the wall, devastated.

Oh boy, Billy Crystal is hosting the Oscars, again. I'm really looking forward to the musical parody of Boys Don't Cry. Hint: Use The Cure song!

Dino (the Rat) is waiting to be interviewed. He looks really familiar -- Hey! It's That Guy! From Scorsese movies, I think. Anyways, Ricky and Sip introduce themselves to him and he dully says, 'Delighted." They say, "We'll talk down here," and he goes, "Swell." Dino's bummed.

In the room, Dino asks, "Is it hot in here? It very well could be me. Upstate you freeze your balls off." Sip asks if he's been busy testifying and Dino says, "Endless." Sip goes, "Well, you're such an eloquent witness," and Dino takes offense: "What do you mean? Where are you going with that?" Sip saves himself by saying, "We don't got twelve grades between us, but when I say 'eloquent' I mean 'John Kennedy.'" Dino goes, "Oh -- what you can do for your country," and is soothed. Yeah, he hung out at Pat's bar, "with a certain someone." "Who?" "WHY?" Oy. Ricky asks, "You got a policy on Angela fraternizing?" Dino does not. "No feelings about that?" Dino gets into eloquent mode and says, "Do I look like stone? Do I look like a Greek statue? I'm also going through a real down time with my relationship abilities...I think it has something to do with what they're feeding me upstate. The Dino you may have heard about is not the Dino before you know." Ricky goes, "Who is?"

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP