Lucky Luciano

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Lucky Luciano

Warning: No naked Baldwin. Curse away, there will be adult language. No one minds.

Previously on NYPD Blue, Fancy sells not-Amway products and then decides not to sell the not-Amway products. Sip thinks he's just not selling to HIM, because if there's one truism on Blue, it's that it's all about Sip, all the time.

In a gritty, gritty, industrial part of town, an abandoned car covered with parking tickets waits forlornly, as abandoned cars do. Wait, abandoned car, wait. Look, look, here comes Di and Kirky with a cute girl in a puffy powder blue vest. Hello, Di and Kirky and girl in powder blue vest. They're on their way home from raving. And who knows where to get the best-post rave doughnuts better than COPS do! Kidding. Kirky holds the raver gal at a distance as Di pops open the trunk - the car belongs to the raver gal's sister. "If she's safe, nothing else bothers me!" She starts freaking out when she sees Di pop the trunk. Look out, she's going into a k-hole! Kidding again. "We don't keep anything in the trunk...oh my god what is that!" There's a body-shaped lump in the trunk. The raver gal bursts into tears. "What's in there! What's in there!" Kirky holds her. The camera waves down to show an ambulance rushing down the road to meet them. Someone should sample that. Kidding. It's really sad, really.

Woosh! The subway brings the credits, which bring the drums, which turn into the dancing dragons in Chinatown!

Ricky and Sip walk into a fancy apartment, with candles burning all over the place. Again, you groan? Hold on - these people don't look snooty or rich. Whew. Oh, and it's a crime scene. A murder. For a change. A man and a woman sit sipping tea, Luciano and his cousin, Ana. Luciano hasn't seen his wife since 9pm last night. He moans, "Poor Mary!" Mmm-hmm. Frank is the beneficiary in the will, and step-dad Luciano "didn't hear him come in last night." He sleeps in a separate room from his wife. The cousin was in her own (different) separate room. "We are cousins," she says, so squelch all those suspicions you may have about these two tea-sipping, comfy-looking Italian cousins. Baldwin and Greg come in and leave to go canvass. The cousins bicker about Frank.

Out in the hall, a weirdly shrunken-looking, beaked-nosed kid opens his apartment door. He's all hard-boiled and shit. His name is Andy so he's like a Mini-Sip. "Murder, huh. It's the son that she doesn't speak to and the husband?" The kid makes a fist-pumping gesture and continues with "anything that moves." Greg and Baldwin just stare like, huh? "How old are you?" Like a pro: "How old do you want me to be?" Strangely, they invite the kid over to look in the crime scene/apartment. Yeah, that happens. Mini-Sip says he'd love to "pop my cherry and see the place I've lived across the hall from for seventeen years." Greg, not as dumb as he looks, says, "So you're at least 17!" Mini-Sip gets this weak zinger in: "Sherlock friggin' Holmes."

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