NYPD Blue
Lucky Luciano

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Lucky Luciano

Mini-Sip cruises in and sees Sip. They hug each other and start to cry. Twins! Separated at birth? Kidding. Sip says, "What?" and Greg supplies: "That's the neighbor that's at least 17." Mimi-Sip starts striding around and lecturing. "I tried selling her chocolates in 1974. She spit in my eye." Sip asks, "So you dislike her?" Duh. "With a passion." So where were you last night, Mini-Sip? "What are you, a moron?" Sip says that's not a direct answer. Har. "In my apartment!" Sip and Mini-Sip square off and have a staring contest that is so totally stupid it merits neither an anyways or a throat-clearing from Ricky. Ricky just says, "Andy," and they both snap out of it.

Station house. In walks Frank, son of DOA. Fancy's not current with the case, but let's go in the coffee room and blab ANYWAY. Fancy takes down Frank's alibi on a COFFEE FILTER. Frank is a vitamin salesman with Vitaquest (Fancy perks at that) and was out of town at seminars and, "banging chicks." He provides the names and numbers of the chicks. And, "Personally and business-wise, my mother was a miserable bitch. Luciano seemed nice enough." Fancy makes a "Woah" face, then adds that his wife used to sell Vitaquest stuff until she figured out that it was a pyramid scheme. Frank goes, "If it makes you feel any better, the Internet is putting multi-tiered marketing into the toilet." Yay, Internet! Fancy makes an "Aha!" face. Frank leaves, and Fancy is left holding the coffee filter.

Luciano, led up the stairs by Sip, hugs Frank as passionately he would as a jug of Chianti. Ana bleats, "I need tea!" They are split up into separate rooms, with Ricky promising to fetch tea. I want some too.

Fancy knows Frank didn't do it. He reads off the coffee filter, "...he was banging two women." Sip looks at the filter too. That is one fascinating coffee filter. Sip relays that the DOA owned some property, according to "some jug-ears, pain-in-the-balls midget." Fancy relays that Frank was also selling vitamins, or something. Sip gets suspicious-faced faster than my mom did when I was a kid, and asks, "Weren't those the vitamins you were selling that made Medavoy sick?" Oh no, that was food poisoning, says Fancy. "What was the big flare-up about that?" Don't you remember, Sip? It was all about you. "That was you taking umbrage when I didn't sell it to you. ANYWAYS, that was five or six years ago." Sip gets all squinty and says he remembers now. Hoo boy.

The Filter, a better actor than Elizabeth Berkley, is now in the coffee room. Fancy tells Ricky to cross Frank off the list of suspects, and also the idea that it was a professional job. Sip says, "If that was a contract, I want to hire that hitter when I need a murder." Great, ha ha, you're just kidding, right? Gulp. They decide to talk to the "poor-relation cousin." Ricky cracks, "I know you'll hate to make that midget wait." Yes, it's true, Sip hates to let them stew, unless, you know, he'd rather let them know that he hates them, he really really hates them. Woo! (End rhyming) Sip then relays all the perceived slights about Fancy-and-the-Vitaquest-incident, which doesn't even earn an anyways from Ricky. Sip, trying to be ominous and foreboding says about Fancy, "There's a side of him you haven't seen yet." You mean his ass, right? Sip then says to "keep the filter for the fives." I hope that coffee filter got his SAG card after this. I'll have to look on the IMDB. Wing, can you put the coffee filter on Fametracker? Thanks.

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