NYPD Blue
Roll Out The Barrel

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Roll Out The Barrel

Warning: This program contains adult language, so watch it, you hump jerkoffs.

Previously, Dino the mobster makes an "eloquent witness," and his Naya-sipping, knee-high boot-wearing girlfriend Angela despairs because Dino "never even asks to see (her) tits anymore!" Aww!

On the gritty gritty street, someone is walking their wiggly puppy! So cute! Not gritty at all! The producers scramble to erase the lingering warm fuzzies and show us a crowded street scene, which includes a man with his head in his hands, a suspiciously set-aside oil drum, and a bunch of uniforms and people milling about. Kirky, Di, Ricky and Sip roll up, all squinty and hardcore, jaws set. A uniform reports, "The new owner called it in." The man with his head in his hands murmurs, "...worst nightmare...I pried the top open and found that." An old lady wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe collars Sip and drags him aside forcibly. She crabs, "Are you a detective?" He crabs back, "Are you a wrestler?" Idea: Crabby old lady wrestling. An untapped gold mine? ["Sadly it's already been done." -- Toenail] She asks, "Is that a dead person in that barrel?" Sip says that's their impression. The lady says, "The owner of this house before? Maf. Eee. Oh. So." Sip gives her some lip about it being Mafia tradition to cram people in barrels for years, and she sasses back with, "What are you, a ballbreaker?" You win, lady. M. Emmett Walsh makes the scene next, playing -- hold on now -- a crotchety, grumpy old medical examiner. He starts hassling Sip right off the bat: "Is she your type, Sipowicz?" Ricky says she's a "neighborhood hen," and M. Emmett (hereafter Memmet) says, "I thought she was your type. Thought you were getting her phone number." Sip looks put-upon and says, "When I got up this morning I was feeling pretty good!" Shed a tear for Sip!

Woosh! Subway! Drums! Keyboards! Credits! Bloosh!

Sip's on the phone, crabbing. "Oh, it's Gallagher's final show in Atlantic City? Is he never going to squish fruit ever again? Don't you remember anything about a fifty-gallon drum? I'll call back." He hangs up, then leans over to John to crab but John pretends to be busy. Wise man. Sip crabs to himself, "They don't want to miss the curtain, or get hit with any melon rinds." I shouldn't be surprised that Sip knows all about Gallagher. He's probably jealous he's missing the show. God, that's scary.

Sip, Ricky, Greg and Baldwin assemble in Fancy's office. Ricky suggests getting Dino the Cheese-Eating mobster down to rat on the former homeowner, Pete McGreeney. Baldwin mutters some exposition to Greg about how McGreeney took Dino's people out, and Sip yells, "Is this something the whole class can appreciate?" Ricky ahems to diffuse Sip's anger and asks about the Atlantic City guy Sip called. That shuts Sip up. Greg starts whispering to Baldwin about Pete McGreeney and Baldwin interrupts with the part about his wife having gone missing five years ago. Greg says that in Jewish books, it's considered a sin to interrupt. Baldwin says, "I know." Is there nothing he doesn't know? Maybe when to be quiet. Sip asks what Memmet might have against him. Fancy says he doesn't know, "the way you spread sunshine around, Andy." Zing!

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NYPD Blue

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