The Man With Two Right Shoes

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
The Man With Two Right Shoes

Back in the room, Ricky holds up two sneakers. "One's a ten, the other an eight and a half, both lefts." Medavoy goes, "Whoa. I found the penis, guys." We don't get to see it. I am alternately glad and disappointed.

Back at the precinct, a mom -- Sonia Lopez -- is dragging her son Jason in because she thinks he's stealing. Oy, way to parent. Not. "You see that jacket? It's expensive. And he has rollerbades!" Jason mumbles that he's not stealing. Sonia overreacts again, saying "Something has turned this boy from the way he was raised." Oh god, raised by a drama queen and Jason still has problems? Has the world gone mad? Diane farms this out (would detectives really do this?) splitting up Jason and his mom between herself, Martinez and Kirkendall into separate interrogation rooms.

Jason is feebly protesting to Martinez and Kirky, saying, "I don't steal. My mom is wrong." He's gotten a job after school doing computer graphics. His mom "doesn't understand computers," which is why he didn't tell her. Mmm-hmm.

Sonia cries to Diane (only slightly hysterically) about the fact that Jason's "teacher started influencing him. He want's to impress her because she's the new thing in his life." Quick, how do you spell LaTourneau?

Martinez is wisely counseling Jason to "communicate with [his] mom better." Jason has "no dad." Bummer! Di and Sonia come in and Martinez tells her Jason is working. Sonia disputes this, saying, "I don't think he has a job -- I think it's her influence." God, Sonia, chill! She grabs Jason by the ear and drags him out of the station house.

Di tells Kirky and Martinez what the mom thinks, waggling her eyebrows for effect when Martinez asks, "What kind of relationship with his teacher?" I'd say the illicit doing-it kind, okay? There's no answer at the computer store, so Kirky decides to go down there and check things out.

Sip and Ricky are grilling the Ozzy lookalike, and it's like some bad after-school special. He's got a totally Midwestern stoner accent. And then he says "There was an open-mic opportunity I was playing at...I got in at like 3 AM...I was having trouble with the uh...uhh..." He make this totally vague gesture and after a million years says "electric key thing." Dude, you were soo stoned. That's when he saw the person storm out of the B.B.I.T.B.T.'s room. "I sensed trouble," Ozzy says. Wow, maybe weed doesn't kill brain cells! Just kidding! "Get to the tattoos," growls Sip. Ozzy is reluctant, but finally gives up the info. "A blue dagger on one hand...'Tommy' on the back of the neck." Ricky, all hand-hold-y, says "See? That was very helpful for us." Ozzy goes, "Good for you...sucks for me." Hee. "I helped you out...help me out?" It seems Ozzy was about to skip out on his hotel bill and has some debt built up. And do they have any weed lying around? He's all out. Then he groans, "This blows." Sip makes a "dude, chill" face. Hee.

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