This Old Spouse

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Did Don Die or didn't he?

Di locks the door to get Baldwin's report: "Denby met two guys outside a Citibank. He met (Don), bought a bunch of lottery tickets and scratched them on that guy's back." Di mutters, "A couple of criminal masterminds." Baldwin comments on Don's bad dye job. Di says, "Oh, you don't think half-assed blonde-red is his natural color? ANYWAYS...thanks, Baldwin." Baldwin asks if Di could leave first. She does and he goes to pee.

Di comes back into the office and says -- once more, with feeling! -- "ANYWAYS." Kirky looks up and she and Sip go into the fake speeding ticket story again. Kirky puts on her coat and asks if Di would mind staying for the restitution because she really has to go, ahem, home. Why that doesn't send off any red flags for Di I don't know. Everyone says a special goodnight to Kirky, which should send off red flags to HER, but you know. She's totally unaware at the moment. The second Kirky is out the door, the phone rings. Di gets it and Sip's face gets uber-owly. Di says, "Not for a couple hours. Some of us still work our jobs, asshole. Yeah okay. I can't wait." That last part was sarcasm. Silence in the office. Di gets up and leaves. Baldwin looks at everyone but no one says anything. So he goes over to Medavoy's desk and says in a jovial manner, "Let's hear about it, tough guy." Thank god the scene ends so that we don't have to hear about the clown act yet another time.

Di's out at the water fountain. John tiptoes down the stairs and sees her, face in the stream, eyes wet. He whispers, "Are you all right?" Di straightens up, teary, and says yeah. "Thanks, John." She pushes open the bathroom door to be alone. John watches her go, then -- sniff! Oh! -- chokes up himself and has to use Di's water fountain trick. He straightens up again and -- ahoo! Whimper! -- it's so sad he has to go down a second time. Thar he blooows!

It's night. They show us the exterior of an Irish bar that isn't Paddy O'Furniture's. Inside, Denby is drinking and rattling on like any fucked-in-the-head person does. Di has her head thrown back and her eyes slitted into narrow slots, staring at him. "Life gets more tawdry, more dangerous..." Dude, I am so not transcribing this. He says sex is still of interest but that he shoots blanks now. Now I'm paying attention. "We can't say life gets less interesting..." Di interrupts, "Coke, huh, Denby. You have a romance with coke now? You stopped caring about if the job finds out?" He starts blabbing incoherently/philosophically some more until Di punctuates his babble with a slap in his face. Yay! She asks rhetorically, "What are you doing, Denby?" Other than annoying everyone by being a drunken ass? And covering shit up? Not much. "Before you struck me...blah blah moral entropy, blah blah run away with me to an exotic locale." Di asks if he's come into money. "I have had a vision that I am destined to win the lottery." Di says yeah, "That's how those cartel guys got rich." Denby goes on some more about running away with Di, "...let's let out livers get fat and scarred on the Falkland Islands, or anywhere of your choice...." The scary keyboard music starts up and Di says, "Denby, if you hurt anyone I care about I'll put a bullet in that brain you've wasted." Denby seems to like this and says, "Please, let's not lose decorum at this late juncture. Like people we've both known, let's not lose our heads." Di shoots this: "Who was that guy in the dumpster that lost his head?" Denby, clearly enjoying himself, says, "There are so many doubts in life. Isn't that the one thing we were sure of?" Di gives up a little and says, "I'd really like to drink. I'd really like to be drunk right now so I could kill you." Denby practically drools in anticipation and pushes his glass toward her. "I'd really like to see you drink, Diane. I'll roll those dice." Di's lips pull downward and she looks a little broken. Don't, Di! Don't let the Don and Denby debacle drive you to drink! She pulls her self together and looks right in Denby's stupid face and says, "I'll kill you. Look in my eyes and see if I'm kidding." Denby can only look in her eyes for a fraction of a second, and looks all around the bar before he can answer her. "Do you really think I'd care?" Di pushes his glass back and leaves. The scary music gets louder. Cliffhanger, woo!

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