Who Murders Sleep

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Who Murders Sleep

We get a nicely shot, gritty montage scene of Di, Kirky, Greg and Baldwin canvassing some desolate area. Baldwin and Greg are standing over a DOA, name of Blair Reynolds, who had crack on him and a huge bullet hole in his chest, which we at home get to see because the producers of NYPD Blue know we need to see people with graphic, bloody wounds. Why? Because we love grit! Di comes over with the news that a DOG was also shot! "He took [a bullet] right in the snout." Just for the record, I LOVE DOGS! Greg sees the wounded doggie and says, "Oh, boy. He's a long-hair." Hey, watch the prejudice there, buddy. The dog is lying there whimpering as its owner, a fussy older lady, fusses over it. Di starts with, "Sorry about your dog. Did you see the shooter?" The lady only has eyes for her poor hurt doggie and only saw the shooter from the back as he fled. She thinks he was white. And, she only heard one shot. The Blue cops use their heads and determine that the bullet must have gone right through the DOA and landed in the dog's sniffer. The lady says, "I wanna take Jerry to a vet!" Just then a voice comes over the radio that says they caught a man fleeing on foot with a gun in a fanny pack. If I had a fanny pack on, you can bet I'd be moving as quickly as possible too. Who wants to be seen with a fanny pack on? Kirky, on the ball, says, "That could be our guy." No flies on you, Kirky. Di, friend to animals, says, "We'll arrange for transportation of your dog." The ambulance guy is like, not in my ambulance you're not! Greg gets impatient and offers up Di's car to transport the dog to a vet. The EMS guy gathers up the cute, cute doggie in his arms and the dog looks FINE. Can I just say how fucked-up it is that movies and television can show PEOPLE, HUMAN BEINGS in all sorts of shot, maimed and dead states, but a DOG can't even have a little fake blood on him? Remember in Spike Lee's Summer of Sam how Berkowitz supposedly shot the talking dog that told him to commit the murders? After seeing many graphic, up-close murders of PEOPLE, for the dog killing we hear a gunshot, BANG!, and then a yipe yipe yipe. THEN, at the end of the movie, we see the dog ALIVE again. I'm not saying I want to see dogs hurt or killed in movies or TV -- quite the opposite, I think dogs should be on TV more often. I just feel it's fucking backwards for us to be continually shown graphic human-on-human violence but a dog actor can't get in a little dog makeup when he's supposedly taken a bullet in the snout! I mean, what are they paying dog actors for? No one on this show is paid just to look CUTE. Oh wait, I forgot...Baldwin. Anyways, after Greg offers Di's car, he asks the EMS guy to administer a little Benadryl because he has a life-long allergy to long-haired breeds. Somewhere, a tiny violin plays. No, that was just me rubbing my two fingers together.

Back at the Precinct, Greg is in the pokey with the Fanny-Packer. Under arrest! Your crime against fashion is wearing a fanny pack. Immediately the Fanny-Packer starts protesting that not only did he have nothing to do with whatever happened, he doesn't even know what's going on: "My whole world has been turned 100% upside down." Dear O.J.: One crime (not the only one) I can never forgive you for is flooding our vernacular with the oh-so-meaningless phrase "I am 100% [whatever]." I completely HATE people that say it, and I don't need to add what percent I hate them. Anyway, The Fanny-Packer says it wasn't his fanny pack (who would admit to owning one?) and not his gun and he didn't even know a round had been discharged from the gun, and when Greg says the cops picked him up because he was running and walking in a suspicious manner, the Fanny-Packer says, "That's just me! That's just how I run and walk! Maybe I had too much coffee. I was hanging out at Dowl." Greg's like, "'Dowl'?" Fanny-Packer says, "THE OWL. Check it out." Greg ignores this endorsement of a stupid coffee bar and brings up the name of the DOA: "Blair Reynolds. I bet there's a connection between the two of you." Then, pointing like a gallows judge, he orders the Fanny-Packer back in the cage: "Feel free to stand on your head if it helps your orientation." Greg is so weird.

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