Off the Map

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On the Mean Streets of San Miguel
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously, M. Giant did me a solid by pinch-hitting for me while Mina learned the lesson of pretending to be interested in the locals' stupid romantic pursuits, while Plastics was cruelly thwarted in his attempts to take his shirt off. Well not this week! We open with Los Gringos standing on the dock, waiting for a delivery of some sort, and Plastics has his shirt unbuttoned. Winning hearts and minds, that's what Off the Map is about this week. They look out to the river and see a sad little raft making its way over with one piece of cargo: a dentist's chair. Mina automatically sees this as a sinister omen. A dentist's chair with no dentist on the island means they're going to be the ones on the hook for teeth cleanings and holding kids' hands while they get cavities filled. I expect you know Mina's feelings on hand-holding. Lily's more concerned with how they're going to haul the chair back to the clinic, but that's when Charlie shows up driving the pickup truck. He can barely see over the wheel, but Lily shouts to Charlie that he's a hero. Charlie trots out to the deck, beaming that his unrequited lady love just called him a hero, and asides to Plastics, "See, hermano. A woman always wants to be rescued." So we're starting early, then, show? Have it your way.

Zee and Cole are walking through the jungle, and Cole is feeling the kind of convenient tooth pain that usually comes when a TV script finds it necessary. Zee says she's made an appointment for him to get this wisdom-tooth issue dealt with, as he's been enduring it for a year. Cole begs off, talking about his patient-load, but clearly he's just a wussy-baby about going to the dentist. He changes the subject by macking on Zee -- not a bad strategy -- but they're interrupted by the sounds of Dr. Clark hacking her machete into some nearby greenery. (Uh... not a euphemism?) Cole leaves Zee to deal with the Lady Problems, but it's not like this is a particularly tough nut to crack -- Clark's taking out her Dr. Ben frustrations on the underbrush. In between thrashings, insists that she can't be mad at Ben, because he was upfront at the beginning; she can't be mad at Ben's wife, because she "doesn't exist anymore"; and she can't even be mad at herself because every time she tries to leave, Ben wears this amazing shirt that makes his eyes pop. So she's mad at the jungle instead. Can't fault that logic. Clark says Zee and Cole have the right idea -- "No strings. Friends with benefits." Zee says their relationship is a little more than that, but when Clark presses for what that might be, Zee can't come up with a term. Clark suggests Zee find out soon, lest someone get hurt.

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Off the Map

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