Off the Map

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On the Mean Streets of San Miguel

La Clinica. Zee and Plastics are explaining to Elan that the medication didn't do anything to alleviate his priapism (something tells me Elan noticed). So the next step is sticking a needle in and draining it. Elan refuses, until they tell him he could become impotent. That's kind of a Godwin's Law in its own right. Zee can't promise that it won't hurt like a motherfucker, but it will also solve his problem. Elan counters that his real problem will be his humiliation after he leaves. ...Wait, even though he's refusing to tell even his girlfriend about it? Is the Clinica rumor mill that strong? Anyway, partially as a way to distract Elan and partially as a way to get him to treat Alma better, Plastics starts telling Elan a story about how being vulnerable actually helps you with the chicks. Case in point: how he lost his virginity as a college freshman to some upper class chick who dug it when he finally dropped his bravado. Yeah, something tells me that strategic dropping of bravado has worked really well for Plastics over the years. Anyway, his story ends triumphantly, with him doing it with the girl 'til the sun came up. Elan: "Verdad?" Plastics: "Si, Si, si, si." So cute. Anyway, even Zee is impressed by Plastics right here. Even when he flat-out tells Elan that he's "got a good girl out there; don't throw that away."

Mina and Cole are in surgery with Abuelito. She notices him rubbing his jaw, and when he says it's an impacted wisdom tooth, she tells him he should see the dentist. He's all, "Yeah, no shit" but clearly he doesn't want to talk about it. She then thanks him for sticking up for her with Clark; Cole says it's his Navy training. "You treat every man in the field," he says. "Soldiers, hostiles ... what happens to them after is out of your hands." He finishes up his portion of the surgery, but before he leaves he turns to ask Mina who she lost, in either World War II or the Holocaust. A grandparent? Someone who fought overseas? She's silent, but Cole says she's got her reasons, whatever they are. They don't need to be good enough for him, or for Clark. Just good enough for her. Mina looks thoughtful, or perhaps ... guilty? ...Maybe SHE'S a Nazi!

Sam Miguel. Charlie comes running up to Lily with the happy news that siesta is almost over. She tells him Dr. Ben has enough to worry about right now, so they won't be bothering him. They'll have to rescue themselves. Which means we cut to Lily in the darkened tunnel where apparently the customs office is located. There are sinister mariachi guitars on the soundtrack and she's talking tough. It's basically a scene from The Good, the Bad, and the Terrifically Nervous. Lily tells the customs agent she'll give him 50, but he demands 200, and he keeps half the Vicodin. To this, Lily bares her teeth and does her best to sound scary when she says it'll be 50, for ALL the medicine, and if he doesn't, he better pray he never gets sick anywhere near her, because it'll be at least 200 before she so much as takes his blood pressure. Charlie translates, also trying to sound tough. The two of them together are like kittens in a bag, so this is kind of funny. Apparently tough talk from pale-faced gringas is good enough for the customs agent, who hands the box over. It's also good enough for Charlie, who lets out a smitten sigh.

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Off the Map

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