Off the Map

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
A Doctor Time Out

Back in the OP, Ben claims they merely lost the signal. He admits that Roberto's "not the happiest camper in the world...but he did say you could name the baby Max." That cheers up Sydney quite a bit, and she's looking forward to meeting Max. "So everything's...?" Lily whispers to Ben. He says everything's fine, like he's going to say anything else in front of the patient. He adds, "Let's do this," which unfortunately he forgot to tell Lily actually means "We're going to need a body bag."

Slow motion montage-style scene of the baby being extracted from the mother in candlelight, and the cord being cut with all due ceremony. Not only is the baby is not only atypically large for any newborn not on TV, but holding him up to the nearest lantern reveals that he's also as orange as a Simpsons character. In this roomful of highly trained and resourceful doctors, Sydney's the first to notice, and Zee rushes the kid out to start an umbilical line. Ben explains to Sydney that Max has jaundice bad enough to maybe need a transfusion. I guess UV lights aren't an option given the blackout. My kid came out jaundiced and spent his first couple of days under black lights, which combined with his pacifier and shirtlessness made him look like the world's smallest raver. Ben starts to leave Lily to take over, but she's only in her first sentence of reassurances when Sydney's eyes cross, roll back in her head, and finally close. Yeah, I know how she feels. Oh, she's not just tired of this show, she's actually bleeding out, giving the show another chance to use that nifty "unset raspberry Jell-O flooding a bunch of fake guts" effect they used on Michael McKean back in the premiere. Unfortunately, without any electricity to run suction, all they can do is mop the blood out with pads. Gross, but I guess it's better than using straws.

Otis and Mina have Sparky stabilized, and Charlie's assisting with the wrap-up. Mina still wonders why Sparky isn't "fried chicken" and announces she's going to do a differential, like she's suddenly on that popular South American medical drama, Casa. Otis all but accuses her of shocking him so she could come back to work, and the lights come up while she's still making an annoyed face at him. Sparky starts yammering again, and Charlie translates that the wants to go back to the festival to look for the love of his life. Mina tells him to relax, and is annoyed when Charlie asks him, "┬┐Que paso?" In English, Sparky says he's seen this girl at the festival every year, wearing a blue dress, then lapses back to Spanish to compare himself to Peter Parker with no spider powers. What a catch he must be. Mina attributes this talk to Sparky's fever and low heart rate, but Charlie's still getting Sparky's romantic history. Which he translates for an uninterested Mina: Sparky finally talked to the girl last year, and they fell in love after talking about comic books for hours. Then he lost her in the crowd when he went to get a her drink. Worst of all, he never got her name. Mina finally engages with the romantic tale with the following poetic observation: "Pff, that was dumb." Mina is my favorite. She heads off to do some actual medical work while Charlie informs Sparky that she doesn't have a single romantic bone in her body. Well, look who's the doctor all of a sudden.

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Off the Map




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