Off the Map

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
A Doctor Time Out

Roberto's body is now in the clinic, and Ben and Zee draw a big old tankard of blood out of him, and then turn and inject it into the orange baby's umbilical line. While everyone else (including Clark and Plastics) watches from outside the room, Lily leaves. Everyone watches her go, and by the time they look back at Max, he's a nice, healthy brown color. That's some fast-acting blood Roberto had in him.

Mina visits Sparky (whose actual name, belatedly, turns out to be Jorge), and she says she has great news: he has malaria! One wonders what her version of bad news would be. She goes on to say that he has a unique strain called vivax, which gives some people a low heart rate. So low, in Sparky's case, that the electrical jolt spared him by hitting him between heartbeats. This strikes my layman's ears as total crap, but no more than half the other shit that goes on in this clinic. The disease also gives people enlarged spleens that could have exploded, but didn't, making Jorge double-lucky. "Forget the blue dress, this is your money story." Yes, it should certainly keep him warm at night. Charlie gets all offended on Sparky's behalf that Mina thinks he's lucky. "He's 22 years old. He's had three broken arms, four broken toes, yesterday he missed finding the love of his life because he got electrocuted, and today he has malaria? He is not lucky!" Maybe he'd feel luckier if he'd learn how to walk without crashing into everything. Also, poor Mina has it all backward. This kind of show is supposed to have doctors making their patients' medical challenges all about their own personal problems, but here she is making a patient's personal problems all about her medical challenges. She backs down and promises to fix Sparky. "Just promise me that at the next party you're gonna get the chick's name." Sure, but then he'll just drop it and break it, the clumsy idiot.

Lily watches Sydney pout in her bed, looking a little better. As Lily explains to Plastics, they've given her some iron but she's still refusing the transfusion. Plastics, still muddy from the road, goes up to her and introduces himself like this is the first time they've met. "I remember," Sydney says. "You said that you'd bring him back to me." Sure, bring that up. Lily tries to pull Plastics away, but he insists, "I did," because it's not like he made any promises about Roberto's condition when he brought him back. Dick. Lily again tries to pull him away, but Plastics is off on another one of his emotional yet totally unearned rants, this one about how much Roberto loved her, which is so moving because Plastics doesn't care about anything. "I am so sorry that he is never gong to get to meet his son because he was so psyched to be a dad, but what he's doing right now for Max? That is being a dad." And I bet Max will be the only kid at his school whose father died in childbirth. Seeing that he's getting through, Plastics leans in closer and says Roberto said that Sydney saved him. "Let him save you." Tearing up, Sydney says she doesn't know how to live without him. Didn't she used to, before she met him? I'm sure it's just like riding a bike. Lily quietly calls on her own tragic backstory and says, "You" And if the mudslide damaged the iPod in such a way that it's now permanently stuck on "Don't Fear the Reaper," so much the better.

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Off the Map




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