Off the Map

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C- | 1093 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
My Anaconda Don't Want None Unless You Got Respect for the Locals, Hon'

Back at the Clinica, Mina joins Plastics on the steps for some moping. Plastics bemoans the fact that he's now 0-for-2 with Cole, who now hates him. Mina assures him that it takes at least three tries before someone makes up their mind about you. Plastics, because he is Plastics, turns a leering glance over to Mina and then elbows her in the arm all, "Ehh?" Not with HER, she assures him. "I snap judge." Plastics then gets a bolt of an idea and books off into the jungle, yelling something about the bathroom and how he doesn't want to blow his last chance with Cole.

Seconds after Plastics is gone, the jeep pulls up with Snake-Bait and his team of wranglers. Mina and the other doctors scramble to get S-B out of the jeep. Cut to the ER, where Ben, Lily, and Zee are joined by Mina, Clark, and Cole as they all work hurriedly. Snake-Bait stirs a bit, and Ben says they're just about to put him under, so they can operate. As the doctors prepare to cut the tourniquet, Cole notices a bloody patch that wasn't there a minute ago. Lily cuts away the fabric only to be greeted by the squirting blood of a femoral bleed. What cut into his leg like this? "It's in my pocket," Snake-Bait woozily slurs. Of course now, it's embedded centimeter deep into his leg: a diamond ring, which he had in his pocket, ready to propose to Yappy. Have I mentioned we're in Shondaland? Everybody looks at the ring for a billion hours instead of the leg that is, no exaggeration, gushing blood.

After the break, Ben is clarifying that the ring only went into his leg when they tourniqueted with the canvas, not when the snake wrapped around him. Which makes this all Lily's fault, because she wouldn't let him finish when he was trying to talk back in the river. Ben, to his credit, isn't the one making this dumb argument, she is. "I was wrong," she tells S-B (and Ben, and us). "It was protocol, but this isn't the ER, this is the jungle. And anything you want to say to the one you love, you say it." Oh, brother. So they bring Yappy in and hold off on the surgery until they bring Yappy in and he proposes to her. And not just a quick "Willyoumarryme?" but, like, an extended, talky lead-up to how he wants the rest of their lives to be date night. Not a single doctor objects to this, not even Mina. Finally, Yappy accepts the proposal, they haul her outta there, and the surgery can begin.

Off the Map

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