Off the Map

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Joe R: C- | Grade It Now!
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My Anaconda Don't Want None Unless You Got Respect for the Locals, Hon'

Zee wanders by Snake-Bait and Yappy's room and finds them disgustingly cute and in love. This seems to be inspiration enough to -- when she rounds the corner and finds Cole -- suggest they go take that walk. He suggests a professional walk where they both respect each other's professional space. She grabs his face and kisses it. "You just crossed the line," he says, and she replies, "Ah, screw the line." And a billion show promos were born.

Cantina. Dr. Ben's slamming some shots when Dr. Clark joins him. She doesn't want to talk about how she almost left. She's back, she says, "Doesn't mean I'm back." She also says she noticed the way Ben's looking at Lily. "You can't see it because it's coming off your face," she says. "But I used to get that look all the time." Ben looks confused. This does not count as an emotion, I should note.

The next morning, Lily wakes up to her alarm, not the rooster. She turns over in her bed, opens her eyes, and sees no spider on the pillow next to her. Which I guess is supposed to be a good thing, symbolizing how she's no longer haunted by her past or whatever. All it makes me think is that that spider is somewhere else. Plotting. Lily heads out to the shower, where Plastics is giggling with either Miss Bavaria 2011 or someone new altogether. So Lily decides to eschew haggling over the shower schedule for a trip to God's Shower, the waterfall.

Predictably, if you've seen the ads or any other movie ever, her towel washes away into the stream ... floating to the shore, and Dr. Ben's feet. He picks it up and wrings it out, all flirty-like. He explains that they're along a main hiking trail right now. How much did he see? Well he's a doctor, silly! He saw it all, but he's playing it cool. In The Jungle, cool guys walk away from naked chicks under waterfalls.

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Off the Map

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