Off the Map

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C- | Grade It Now!
My Anaconda Don't Want None Unless You Got Respect for the Locals, Hon'

The Three Amigos trek off through the jungle as Plastics enthuses about the cruise ships that every day deposit fresh potential conquests -- he's thinking about chronicling this period in his life. You guys, here's the thing: Plastics is written as a total ass but I can't look at Zach Gilford and hate him. That's good casting. I think this is how women must feel about Alex Karev. Maybe they appreciate "mean and damaged" more than "boyish and kind of a tool"? Whatever, the sociology term paper can wait. Mina suggests Plastics invest in some robes so his night train of floozies can at least cover up. She's in the middle of complaining about being invaded by naked strangers when all three come upon a naked stranger "showering" below a small waterfall. Hey! It's Twilight Cab-Stealer! She introduces herself as Dr. Ryan Clark (Plastics, smitten: "Your hand is so wet!") and reminds Lily of meeting her, with the cab and all. Lily notes that it seemed that she was quitting. "Keep trying to," Clark notes with a smile. "How can you quit this?" Mina asks if this is her normal morning routine, and Clark enthuses about "God's shower" in a way that doesn't make me hate her, so kudos!

Later, Lily, walking with Mina, says she could never be that naked publicly. As they approach the Clinica, Dr. Ben and Zee come bounding out with news of a distress call from a woman at the river whose partner was bit by a snake. To the jeeps! Zee takes a moment to chastise Clark for ditching her yesterday, and on a full moon no less. Clark apologizes, and doesn't look like there's any real animosity here; Zee can't be too angry at her. Dr. Ben asks the Three Amigos which of them don't like snakes. Mina and Plastics are both like, "Love snakes! Let's do this!" but since Lily raised her hand, Ben takes her along with him and Zee, on the rationale that you can't be a jungle doctor and be afraid of snakes, so it's time for some immersion therapy. Mina and Plastics are not pleased at all to be stuck on clinic duty.

Jungle. Dr. Ben and Zee are waiting on the other side of a rickety rope bridge (it's a show about the jungle -- there has to be a rickety rope bridge) for Lily, who is nervous and taking tentative steps. While they wait, Zee takes the moment to talk to Ben about "our favorite redhead" and basically says that they need her to stay on as a doctor, so maybe he should keep it professional with her and quit giving her reasons to leave in a huff. Meanwhile, Lily, from the bridge, talks about the two kinds of anti-venom they have and what if one doesn't work (Zee: "We try the other one?"), and generally shows herself to be an over-planner. Ben smugly tells her that having a plan is a crutch, and that In The Jungle, you don't know what's gonna get thrown at you, so you have to wing it. Are we catching the themes as they fly hard and fast at our faces? After the bridge, they're met by the babbling girlfriend who leads them to her beloved snake-bait boyfriend, all the while yammering on about how it's her fault because while Snake Bait was trying to photograph the creature (they're wildlife photographers, see), she was inundating him with questions about where their relationship is going. Because, again: Shondaland. Where medical crises always come at romantic crossroads. When Yappy GF finally leads the doctors into the clearing by the riverbed, they see this isn't quite a simple snake bite. Ben says to forget the anti-venom, since the anaconda currently wrapped around poor Snake-Bair isn't poisonous; it'll just squeeze him to death. TITLE CARD!

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Off the Map




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