Off the Map

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My Anaconda Don't Want None Unless You Got Respect for the Locals, Hon'

Plastics has gotten Scarface back to the Clinic, where she's sleeping while he and Charlie watch. She wakes up, and Plastics tries to communicate to her through loud talking and hand gestures (timeless!). Charlie pipes up that her name is Sofia, then straight-up runs away. Um...don't come back? Sofia then reveals that she speaks English, and that the seizures began when she was three, but she's awfully eager to get the hell out of the clinic. Plastics tries to slow her down long enough to explain that she has epilepsy, but she's in luck, because he can help her control it with western medicine. Hooray! She notes that him being the doctor only means he thinks he's smart but he really doesn't know much of anything. Plastics -- who is kind of engaging her in an actual fight (calling her "smartass," et cetera), which is immature but at least not condescending -- says if she wants to be able to play soccer with her friends again, she should listen to him. "I don't have friends," she says as she rounds on him. "I'm a loser." He points to her jersey and asks, "Why, because you're a Brazil fan?" Ah, doctor banter. See, he's got some things right. He likes Argentina! She likes Brazil! He says she has epilepsy! She says she'll have to confront her shaman! But I'm getting ahead of myself ...

Back off-site, Clark is finishing up rigging a makeshift steam tent, using an old family trick of mine where you boil a pot of water and hang a sheet as a tent. Clark says she learned this when she was in Kenya, which gets Mina muttering about how often Clark talks about the cool shit she did. But give her this: it's working, as they can already hear the girl's cough is sounding much better. Mina calls to Bruno that his sister is out of the woods, and he responds with a thud as he falls to the floor. The doctors both race to him, and Mina's flabbergasted as she says she can barely find a pulse.

After the break, Plastics is explaining to Sofia's mom (translated through Sofia) about how the pills he's giving her will help her with her epilepsy. Mom seems unsure, and then Sofia greets "Papa," who is played by Cheech Marin, who doesn't exude island vibes in the slightest and who is giving maybe 30% at any given time. So there's that. Plastics explains -- in a half-douchey, half-giddily enthusiastic manner that I am sorry, I found adorable -- that "Medicine? Bueno! A better life for your daughter, so she won't be such a loser!" At this, he winks at Sofia. In fact, he winked a couple of times in there. But oh! Stupid Gringo didn't realize that when she said "Papa," she didn't mean "actual father," she meant "honorary title for the medicine man of our village." I might take the time to make a joke about Cheech and the kinds of "medicine" he might prefer, but right now, the man doesn't look like he's ever smoked a joint in his life, as smoking a joint might cause him to make a facial expression. Mom asks Papa if Sofia should take the pills, which causes Plastics to bristle, particularly when Sofia tells him that Papa is chalking her seizures up for "demons" that enter her body through her scar. Plastics, to his credit, even tries to be like, "No offense, but it's just a scar," but Papa gets all, "I've been treating this family for decades." Tommy's like, "With your scare tactics and fairy tales?" He invites Papa to grab a medical journal and join the rest of us in the modern world. At this snippiness, Sofia and her mother get up to leave with Papa. Plastics scrambles and begs them -- begs Charlie to make them -- understand. Charlie again skulks away, leaving Plastics to hurl insults like "abuse" (and some Spanish curse words Charlie taught him) at Papa. He's lost them now.

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Off the Map

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