Off the Map

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C- | Grade It Now!
My Anaconda Don't Want None Unless You Got Respect for the Locals, Hon'

After the break, it's decided that they need to inject some calcium into Snake-Bait's heart. But without a central line, they'll have to perform a tricky direct injection. Cole's about to do it when Mina steps up. "I've done about a million," she monotones in that way I love, "I'm really good at sticking people, at my hospital they called me The Sadist." She pulls it off with aplomb, the calcium is injected, and after Clark gives Snake-Bait one quick shock with the paddles, his heart is beating, his pulse is strong, and they're out of the woods.

Plastics, meanwhile, is finishing up a scar-removal (or scar lessening) procedure that is either defying the laws of space-time or was a hell of a lot more frightening to look at than what we're seeing now, which is Plastics finishing up the sutures on what looks like a drastically reduced scar. Did this require surgery? Did he just pull a flap of skin down over her scar while she sat there in the middle of the clinic? I confess ignorance to this, but it all seems fishy and wrong. Charlie, meanwhile, stands and watches while Plastics tries to impart some medical knowledge. Sofia is overcome with emotion when her mom comes to see her and her new demon-free face. And Papa gives Plastics a nod of encouragement. Which must totally mean a lot to him or whatever. Hey, at least no one gave him a chicken.

What does mean a lot is that Cole was watching over that whole scene, and he manages to begrudgingly admit that he couldn't have performed a scar revision that clean. Plastics begins to thank him for the compliment, but Cole is gone before he can even get halfway through the sentence.

Out by the water tower, Mina and Clark appear to be scrubbing some laundry, and Clark compliments Mina on her good technique. Mina corrects her that it was a great technique, "Because I am a great doctor. Don't make me question that again." Clark says she never said Mina wasn't a great doctor, just not a very good physician. The difference: "A doctor treats. A physician heals." Man, I am going to have SO many comfortable stitched pillows when this season is over.

Lily is busy picking crap out of her snake bites (they leave tiny little teeth IN you??). Ben stops by to help out, and he notices her duct-taped, sad little non-functioning cell phone, still showing that episode-title text message. She says it's her doctor crutch. He repeats it quizzically, so Lily tells him the story behind it. Lily's Story (cont'd): She woke up one morning after a double shift to find her fiancé had eaten all the cereal. She got pissed and made him ride out on his bike to get some more. On his way back, he texted the message to her. Ben proclaims the message "cute" and says he hopes she cut him some slack when he got home. But OBVIOUSLY he didn't get home because OBVIOUSLY he was hit by a bus or a falling jet engine or whatever on the way home, so the text message isn't really an affirmation but rather some kind of perpetual guilt machine. He tells her today's events have proven that she doesn't need a crutch -- she's just fine on her own. Lily looks at the jar of extricated snake teeth in one hand and her phone in the other. She hovers over the trash can...and pitches in the phone. Triumph! A mopey, mopey triumph!

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Off the Map




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