Once and Again
Love's Laborers' Lost

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Judy Needs a Good Gluck

Meanwhile, Eli's at Rick's, strumming his guitar while some demon writhes around the living room. Oh, it's Wannabe, busting some Alanis Morissette moves. Wannabe moves to the bookshelf and inspects some family pictures, asking Eli about them. A shot of him in a tiny little football uniform somehow inflames Wannabe with a case of itchy pants, and she slinks over to Eli, slides the guitar our of his hands, and straddles him. Please understand how hard this is for me. She asks if he's ever gone out with a cheerleader. He says he has, and asks why. She pulls out some tired old line about how she wanted to put on a little cheerleading outfit for him, and get herself some pompoms, and...Hey! She's making a mockery of everything that Bring It On stands for. Blasphemer. She moves in and their lips connect like wet plungers, slurping and sucking. Jesus, I'm trying to eat my breakfast, here. She leans back with a devilish glint in her skankonious little eyes and suggests that they go upstairs. "My dad will be home any minute!" Eli protests. "That's why they made doors," Wannabe purrs. I'd love to demonstrate on her why they made boots. No, really. I would. She moves in to plumb his esophagus again, and then gets up, announcing, "I'm hungry." She heads for the kitchen, stretching her arms over her head in a way that, I guess, is meant to be seductive. I notice for the first time that she's wearing a pair of what seem to be Jordache jeans. Remember those? The ones with the fancy designs on the pockets and shit? Well, they're coming back, kids. Don't say I didn't warn you. Anyway, Eli looks a little relieved to hear that Wannabe's hungry, and suggests that they go out for something to eat -- somewhere where his dad won't catch them having sex.

Rick comes through the door at this point, wearily calling out, "Hey, I'm home." "Hey," comes Wannabe's voice from the kitchen. Rick, of course, has no idea to whom this siren's song belongs, and he emits a puzzled, "Uh..." as he finds Wannabe standing in front of the fridge, holding the door wide open. Like, make yourself at home much? The fridge is sad and empty, which Wannabe courteously points out to Rick, saying, "You must eat out a lot, huh?" She closes the door and arches her back some more. Seriously, is she trying to model herself after a stripper now? Eli comes downstairs with his jacket on, and Wannabe moves immediately to his side and puts her arm around him. Rick looks a little uncomfortable and asks where Jessie is. Eli answers him and then starts heading for the door, still dragging that dead weight with him. Rick asks where they're going -- but it's more rhetorical than an honest inquiry. Eli says they're going for something to eat, and Rick reminds him it's a school night. Eli resists. Rick asks to talk to him for a second, gesturing toward the dining room. Rick mentions their deal: Eli doesn't go out on school nights until he gets some "studying" done. "Dad, I'm not going out, I'm just going to get something to eat." Eli protests, illustrating brilliantly why he's been doing so poorly on the vocab section of the SAT. We see Wannabe, sporting her seventies ski vest, propping herself against the wall and watching the exchange with a look somewhere between boredom and contempt. Rick tells Eli that no one is going out; they're going to order in, and if Wannabe wants to stay, she's welcome. Which strikes me as a pretty fair deal. Eli still brats, wanting to know why it matters where he eats. Rick actually stands firm this time, telling Eli there's no argument -- they have a deal. Eli sighs, defeated, and Rick heads upstairs.

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Once and Again

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