Once and Again

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Niki: A | Grade It Now!

Cut to Rick's office, where he and Sam are putting together their corporate gifts. Sam says incredulously, "You offered to cut off your penis?" Rick looks up from the gift card he's signing and says, "Incendiary and medically incorrect." Sam states the obvious: "You're a better man than I," adding, "But soon you'll be less of one." I doubt that's possible. He chuckles exaggeratedly while licking an envelope. If ever there were a time for a paper cut...

Over at the radio station, Lily and Judy are wrapping presents, too. Judy's wearing one of those horrible holiday sweaters with a big Christmas tree in the middle of it. I can't believe that thing would ever hang in Judy's closet. "Isn't that incredible?" Lily gushes. "I didn't even have to bring it up, he just offered." Judy's not so easily impressed. "Well, he should offer," she says, her pigtails waving indignantly. She points out that men have it much easier than women, not just regarding reproduction, but in ending their capacity for it, too. She's particularly bitter about the fact that their reproductive bits don't have best-before dates, like women's do. She gripes, "It's like multiple-partner sex-party-till-you-drop." I'm not sure what having viable sperm has to do with having sex till you drop, but whatever.

Rick explains to Sam that because he and Lily are "done with the kid thing, there's nothing left to lose." Sam disagrees, grunting, "Maybe it's a primal male thing, but I like to know I have swimmers carrying my DNA, even if I never use them." Do us all a favor, and don't.

Judy informs Lily that the surgery she'd have to have is "way more dangerous" than Rick's. Amazingly, this is news to Lily. Judy says that in spite of the risks, more women have their tubes tied than men have vasectomies. "Because men don't want to go there," she mutters. She adds, "I just don't like the idea of you having to be grateful for something that, really, should just be a no-brainer." Go, Judy! Lily looks thoughtful.

"Plus, I gotta believe that there's another way for a guy to go than to take chunks out of his own scrotum," Sam says, waving around the scissors for emphasis. Rick holds up his hand to silence him. Sam snip, snip, snips with the scissors and mumbles something about them going in and pulling out the vans deferens. "Okay, enough! Too much information," Rick says. He looks like he's about to cry.

"I'm not even sure what's going on with my dwindling eggs, and meanwhile, I'm spending Christmas Eve with Sam, even though we're not really even a couple," Judy complains, looking thoroughly depressed. Lily starts to say something, but Judy cuts her off with a warning: "If you say something negative right now, I'm leaving." Lily puts her arm around Judy and coos, "I'm not going to say anything except I love you." "If I could just get him to say that," Judy says glumly. If you could just get a clue and kick his slimy ass to the curb for good, you mean. She glances down and seems to notice for the first time the tacky knitwear she's sporting. She asks if she can borrow Lily's red sweater that night. Lily agrees, and they're suddenly interrupted by the radio announcer, whose voice is getting louder and louder. He reads a blizzard warning and cautions that road conditions are growing increasingly hazardous.

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Once and Again




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