Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
Bad Blood

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: C | 24 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Daddy Issues

Flashback. A grown-up Jafar storms the palace, killing guards with his magic right and left. He finds the Sultan, and we see that, yes, he is the man in the Sex Cage Tower. Duh. Big music cues indicate that this is supposed to be a huge reveal, which is pretty laughable at this point. The Prince interrupts them and Jafar challenges him to an old-fashioned, magic-free fist fight. The prince runs away like a bitch, and Jafar strikes him down with magic. The Sultan screams that Jafar killed his son, and Jafar's like, uhh, over here? I'm your son too? Even with a knife to his throat, the Sultan still refuses to acknowledge Jafar as his son. Jafar promises that someday he will.

Back in the present, Jafar has brought the Sultan out of his cage for a chat. Jafar offers him a chance to acknowledge him again, and he refuses yet again. How often do they do this? It seems so monotonous. Jafar exposits that once he changes the Laws of Magic, he'll just force him to do it. So THAT'S what this is all about? All this Cyrus nonsense is just over Jafar's little daddy issues? Good god. Get some fucking therapy and save us all the trouble, man. The Sultan decides he's had enough and suicides off the platform into the abyss. The Magic Carpet catches him and throws him back in the cage, #SuicideFail.

We close with Cyrus waking up on the beach. Hope you enjoyed your nap, Cyrus. Next time stay asleep forever.

Next week: Our long national nightmare comes to an end when Alice and Cyrus finally find each other in the "winter finale," because this low-rated mess got pulled from the schedule until March.

Want to tweet about this poor, god-forsaken show with me? I am available at all times and spaces at @garnisheater. I am the White Rabbit of social media and so can you!

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Once Upon a Time in Wonderland

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