Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
Down the Rabbit Hole

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: B | 97 USERS: B-
We're All Mad Here (At ABC)

As Alice awaits her “procedure” in her padded cell, the Knave of Hearts barges in and tries to rescue her, but she’s reluctant because he isn’t "real." So I guess she wasn’t lying to Bald Man? She actually believed him? No time to think! Guards are here! Alice is about to let the Knave be taken when he tells her that Cyrus is alive – the Rabbit saw him. Alice springs into action and puts the Kung Fu hurt on the guards, which means that at the very least her martial arts skills were real all along. Also means she could have escaped on her own this entire time and chose not to.

They meet the Rabbit in a tunnel outside the asylum, and alright. This show is getting cancelled, so I’m only going to say this once. The Rabbit moves from present day Storybrooke to Victorian England? So he’s a time traveler too? I knew he could do amazing things to Ginnifer Goodwin’s crotch, but I didn’t know he could do all that. I mean, this is fantasy and not sci-fi so they can kind of do whatever they want, but I’d like an explanation when they do. A throwaway line about this ability is all I require, people.

Anyway, on their way out Bald Man sees the Rabbit, so hopefully feels pretty dumb now. And it’s on to Wonderland, where the Knave and Alice land in the “Mallow Marsh,” which is a (delicious) marshmallow quicksand lake. Alice learns about s’mores! They almost suffocate to death in a sweet, sugary goo of doom listening to the Rabbit admit that he hasn’t actually seen Cyrus, but that the Hatter has and it’s not like he’s totally insane and not credible or anything. It’s fine!

The Rabbit runs off to find help, but Alice again finds a way to help herself, this time by squeezing a dragonfly (they’re real dragons in Wonderland) into torching the marshmallow surface enough for them to walk on.

With that drama over, the Knave gets to whining about how he wants to leave Wonderland because Cyrus is probably dead anyway (supportive friend!), and besides, everyone in Wonderland wants to assassinate the Knave for some mysterious past crimes of his anyway. Alice is no dummy and quickly shuts him up by offering to pay him for his help. The currency is these little red gems Cyrus gave her, which are wishes redeemable by your nearest live genie. They make a deal that the Knave gets one of them when they find Cyrus. Neither of them are eating any of the delicious free marshmallows during all this, by the way, which is very upsetting.

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Once Upon a Time in Wonderland




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