Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
Down the Rabbit Hole

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: B | 97 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
We're All Mad Here (At ABC)

Meanwhile, the Rabbit runs into the Red Queen (and her hilarious lips) on the road, and we find out that he’s secretly working for her. The Rabbit was tasked with bringing Alice back to Wonderland and continuing to spy on her in exchange for some mysterious terms. Then, the Rabbit cries like a bitch and crawls off back towards Alice. I have to say, I really resent this cowardly characterization on behalf of all pathologically punctual people everywhere.

The Knave and Alice are now in the woods on the way to the Hatter’s house, but things are getting spooky. There is fog everywhere! And NOISES! She arms herself with a stick (this show is garbage, but you do kind of have to love the incredible efforts they go to present Alice as a badass) and leads the way further into the woods.

Back at the Red Queen’s chess board castle, our puffy-lipped lady steps out onto her balcony to find a shadowy figure standing on the railing like a buckwild teenager. She reports to him that Alice is back in Wonderland and looking for her genie, "Isn’t that what we wanted, JAFAR?" She really punches that so we know that this man is another piece in the Aladdin integration here. He jumps off the railing and approaches her, his perm edging closer to her collagen lips, and explains that "what we want" can’t happen until Alice has made all her wishes and they have Cyrus’s bottle. Then they fight! We find out the Red Queen is working for Jafar, who is really the one in charge here. He yells at her, chokes her and flies away on a magic carpet. Classic Jafar!

In the woods, the Knave and Alice come upon a wanted poster with his big ole British face on it, but he declines to explain what he’s wanted for. Alice quickly moves on to climbing a tree, saying "If I get high enough, I can see the Hatter’s house." How many conversations in the Once Upon a Time in Wonderland writers' room would you bet start with "If I get high enough…"?

Alice takes her shoes off (even though shoes definitely help you climb trees) and throws them on the ground. The Knave instantly goes bonkers because Alice is keeping her wishes in the soles of her shoes, and he can’t resist stealing them. He is lawless for life! Once up in the tree (in her SOCKS), she can see the Hatter’s house, which is great. Unfortunately, she can also see the Cheshire Cat, who materializes behind her, angry and enormous.

The CGI on the Cheshire Cat looks the best out of everything in this episode, but, you know. Still looks like they spent about 14 dollars on it. The Cheshire Cat explains that the woods are empty of food these days, and that sorry, he’s just going to have to eat her. A chase ensues, but luckily the Knave has a change of Hearts and shows up in the nick of time to throw a shrinking mushroom into Cheshire’s mouth and reduce him to house cat size. Alice glosses over that bit and calls him out on stealing her wishes, which brings out some helpful exposition that you can’t "steal" a wish, it has to be granted.

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Once Upon a Time in Wonderland

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