So despite it being his favorite activity, Jafar has somehow not used his magical chokehold to get the Red Queen to give up Cyrus’s bottle. In fact, he and Duck Lips seem to be best friends now, taunting Cyrus together, plotting against Alice, and -- dare I say? -- flirting a bit. They’re weird. Their evil scheme this episode is to try to get Alice to waste at least one of her wishes on surviving an attack by their "Bandersnatch" -- a kind of giant CGI boar with a million teeth and a homicidal bent. It looks like shit, as you can come to expect.
Meanwhile, Alice and the Knave spend the episode looking for something called the "Forget-Me-Knot," a magical lasso/noose object that allows its owner to see the last thing that happened in any place he or she takes it to. They want to use it in the topiary garden to see who dug up Cyrus’s bottle, but wouldn’t the last thing that happened just be Alice and the Knave freaking out about the missing bottle? Or, you know, some groundskeeper trimming the topiaries?
They first go to the Caterpillar, who lives in "Underland," which basically looks like an Eyes Wide Shut costume party. He doesn’t have the Forget-Me-Knot and he still wants the Knave dead, but he agrees to forgive the Knave’s debts if he and Alice can retrieve the Knot from somebody called the "Grendel" and bring it back to him. Great deal! But I’m sorry, Grendel sounds like "grundle," which is going to be great fodder for me in the longer Weecap. Apologies in advance.
The Grendel is a lovelorn, deformed cannibal who kidnaps them both and begins to prepare them for his dinner. Luckily, the Bandersnatch shows up and the Knave kills him in about 3 seconds, which was kind of anti-climactic. Long story short, the Grendel gives them his Forget-Me-Knot in gratitude, and Alice and the Knave discover that it was that goddamn White Rabbit who stole the bottle and gave it to the Red Queen.
Flashbacks were pretty good this week! In another universe, The Knave actually used to be Will Scarlet in Robin Hood’s Merry Men, and -- OMG -- the Red Queen was his Anastasia! I’m just going to suck it up and admit in front of everyone that I did not see that coming. You can call me stupid if you want to. I can take it.
He and Anastasia ended up in Wonderland after he stole a magical mirror portal thingy from Maleficent (Pam from True Blood, who I completely forgot appeared in Season 1 of OUaT). This show does amazing things re-purposing every-day items like that. It’s like a terribly animated Real Simple!
Want to tweet about this poor, god-forsaken show with me? I am available at all times and spaces at @garnisheater. I am the White Rabbit of social media and so can you!
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"A few years ago... In the Enchanted Forest." A fancy armed carriage driving through the woods at night comes upon a group of men attending to an injured guy in the road. But, of course, this is all a ruse. As the carriage guards generously attend to the injured man, a thief drops from a tree branch and robs them blind. Yay? These rich people didn't seem that bad, actually!
Cut to: A bonfire where our thieves (including the "injured" man, who is just fine now) boozing and laughing about the whole ordeal. A man who is unnamed as yet but is clearly Robin Hood raises a toast to his "Merry Men." Then – surprise! – the Knave of Hearts strides into the party with a bag full of stolen candlesticks (he robbed a Clue factory, apparently). Robin Hood congratulates him and then raises a toast "to Will Scarlet [O'Hara]!"
Back in the present in Wonderland, Alice and the Knave are back on that awful main road that looks like Myst, admiring the Knave's Wanted posters on their way. They strategize about what to do about the bottle, and while Alice is at a loss, the Knave recommends they find an enchanted piece of rope called a "Forget-Me-Knot," which will allow them to see the most recent events at the bottle's final resting place at the topiary garden. As I mentioned in the recaplet, the garden's most recent events should be Alice and the Knave freaking out about the bottle going missing, but hey, every episode in this universe needs a Macguffin and this week it's the "Forget-Me-Knot." Don't ask too many questions.
Back in Jafar's Sex Tower Dungeon, Jafar and the Red Queen have decided to mess with Cyrus a bit. They've had a whole catered meal spread out on an honest-to-god dining room table on the platform in front of Cyrus's cage. They pretend to invite him to dinner like some kind of weird middle-aged magical bullies, then Jafar taunts Cyrus with the origami message Alice sent, which was just floating around the halls of the place, indiscrete as hell. You mean there was a flaw in that awesome origami plan? I can't believe it.
Jafar and the Red Queen explain to him that they are going to force Alice to use up her three wishes so they can have Cyrus for themselves. He says she would never! They laugh at him and bring out Jafar's massive book o' evil to brainstorm ways to make Alice desperate.
Back on Myst lane, Alice is freaking out because the Knave thinks the Caterpillar has the Forget-Me-Knot, which, considering he's put like 97 bounties on the Knave's head, is not exactly a great situation. The Knave tells her to chill, he's got a plan. He's going to play Let's Make a Deal with the Caterpillar because apparently the Caterpillar is a dealoholic.