Welcome back to this show! It’s been three long months since ABC decided to stop airing it, but luckily (?) for us, they got over that and here we are, burning off the rest of this series together. Does anyone remember anything? I sure don’t! Luckily, the previouslies looked vaguely familiar.
So the Knave is a genie in a bottle now, and Alice, Cyrus and the Red Queen have to rub him the right way before Jafar does. Before any of the main characters can get to him, however, Lisbeth the Lizard (remember her?) finds him and becomes his master. If you recall -- and there’s no reason you should be expected to -- she’s been in love with the Knave since his Will Scarlet days, so she uses her wishes to become hot so he’ll love her back. Doesn’t work. Also, she dies? Who knows?
Back in the bottle, the Red Queen finds the Knave before Alice and Cyrus do because Cyrus the IDIOT foolishly insisted they all split up to find him in order to teach Alice some lesson about trusting people. So now the Red Queen owns the Knave, and she’s real gross about it. There’s an uncomfortable sex slave/rape undercurrent here, but it’s a family show so I’ll try to pretend it’s not happening. But needless to say, everyone’s pretty horrified by this development.
As for Jafar, he spends the episode in pursuit of the Jabberwocky, an imprisoned monster that strikes paralyzing fear into the hearts of everyone in Wonderland. Jafar being Jafar, he thinks he can control this super-monster and use it to gain control over the third genie, change the Laws of Magic, etc, etc, Jafar stuff. He succeeds in acquiring her rather quickly, actually. And this Wonderland universe’s interpretation of the Jabberwocky is a saucy lady in a ridiculous costume and white wig, because why stop now?
Oh, and those other two genies Jafar has? Turns out they’re Cyrus’s brothers. Prepare yourselves for a lot of weepy Cyrus to come, y’all.
Want to tweet about this poor, god-forsaken show with me? I am available at all times and spaces at @garnisheater. I am the White Rabbit of social media and so can you!