Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
Trust Me

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: B | 38 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The World. I Can Show It to You.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

So it’s week two, and we’re down 29% from an already disastrously low premiere week. The CW even beat it. The CW. Dear god.

Flashback time! We begin "Many years ago" in Agrabah with Jafar swooping through the sandy city outskirts on a magic carpet. He enters a modest abode and hassles its resident, a local scarf merchant, about how “well-appointed” his home is despite his "very little income." Which, I mean, is it? It looks like he has a few piles of fabrics, but those are business expenses. He’s not exactly the Queen of Versailles over here.

Instead of punching Jafar in the face like any normal person would in this situation, the man tries excusing his opulent shanty full of scarves and tea kettles as the spoils of a family investment. But Jafar and I know better -- this guy has the genie. How else could he afford such a two-room manse with an alley view!

The man makes an excuse to move to the back room, and we see that he does indeed have Cyrus in there. He foolishly uses his third wish (the other two I’m assuming he used on his awesome beard and a chotchke shopping spree at Cost Plus, by the look of this place) to send Cyrus far away from Agrabah, thinking it would get Jafar off his back for good. It doesn’t. Jafar comes in shortly after and chokes him to death. And then I’m sure he totally raided his scarf arsenal. Jafar loves him some accessories.

The wish sends Cyrus wildly tumbling through the multi-verse in his bottle. When he arrives in Wonderland, we see he has crash landed in the hedge maze where Alice found him in the pilot and G-rated romantic history was made.

In the present, Alice is practicing sword-fighting on a defenseless tree (in a new purple outfit!) while the Knave of Hearts lazes about. Alice decides their new course of action is to retrieve Cyrus’s hidden bottle from – where else? -- underneath the Towering Tom Tom Tree in Mimsie Meadows, where nobody goes. The Knave: "Why would they, unless they were a Care Bear." Alice: "What’s a Care Bear?" Don’t you just love watching these two learn from each other?!

They’ll make three "harmless" wishes (actually, the Knave will, which is obviously going to go terribly), causing Cyrus to be automatically drawn back inside the bottle and all their problems will be solved. Then, they’ll find some crazy way to grant Cyrus his freedom so he and Alice can picket fence it together until the end of time. Alice makes sure the White Rabbit hears this plan while he’s pretending to be asleep, then she and the Knave ditch him. We only had a CGI budget for three short White Rabbit scenes this week, apparently. I am not complaining.

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Once Upon a Time in Wonderland

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