Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
Trust Me

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: B | 38 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The World. I Can Show It to You.

Tom Tom Tree dance break!

Meanwhile, the Red Queen is barely tolerating her subjects and all their boring problems while her gay guards do crowd control in Aladdin Sane makeup. I have no idea if that’s some attempt at an Aladdin Easter egg reference of some kind, so I’m just going to move on.

Jafar comes to her rescue by freezing everyone in the room in place so they can scheme together. What happens next is a line-for-line rehash of their balcony scene in the pilot. She says "I’m the queen!" sixteen times, then Jafar threatens her and vaguely explains their plan. Basically, they’re after the bottle too, and want to use it to "change the Laws of Magic." He turns her whiniest subjects into piles of dust and then storms out of the room, ridiculous Jafar boots hilariously squeaking and squishing with every stomp. He’s like when little kids dress up as Darth Vader for Halloween, isn’t he? Adorable.

Alice and the Knave hit a snag on their way to Mimsie Meadows -- a massive lake they don’t have the time to walk around. They also can’t swim across because the Knave can’t swim. But don’t worry! They’ll wait for the fairy! This was meant to be a homophone-based play on ferry/fairy, but I’ve been watching Once Upon a Time so much to catch up in time for the spin-off that I accepted it as "fairy" the first time around. So, yeah. I need to maybe watch something else for a while.

The White Rabbit visits the Red Queen to tell her where Alice is retrieving the bottle, interrupting a weirdly sexual pedicure situation the Queen has going on with her Aladdin Sane guards. I don’t even know. I’m just the messenger here.

When the fairy (her name is Silvermist) shows up she is pissed. She used to date the Knave, and apparently he was the worst boyfriend ever. After yelling at him for a few minutes she carries them halfway across the lake, which is nice. But then she drops the Knave in the water and Alice has to abort their fairy ride to save him from drowning. Fairies, man.

Cyrus is still hanging around suspended in his cage, but at least he has a friend in a neighboring prisoner. Their conversation reveals that Cyrus’s cage is made of silver because genies are allergic to it like True Blood vampires, and that Cyrus has the burns to prove it. Okay, sure! But what’s really important in this scene is that Cyrus has hidden away a piece of magic paper and begins writing on it with his finger. So he’s doing well.

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Once Upon a Time in Wonderland

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