Once Upon a Time
7:15 a.m.

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A | 3 USERS: C+
Why the Caged Bird Sings

Back in the fairytale world, Snow White, Grumpy and Stealthy are running through the weird Green Screen tunnels when they hit an impasse. Not like a wall, but as in a disagreement about which way to go. Snow, who has a lot of experience hiding from Royals, tells them to go one way, but Stealthy is all, "My names 'Stealthy' bitch! I know what I'm doing." But Snow doesn't trust him and makes like Fleetwood Mac and goes her own way.

As Stealthy and Grumpy sneak through the courtyard, the King and his guards surround them and ...well, there's a reason you don't hear about Stealthy in the stories. He gets shot through with a bow. Grumpy's about to get it, too, as the King demands to know where the girl is and he pretends not to know who he's talking about. I guess it's hos before bros when your bro got killed.

Snow shows up just as the soldiers are aiming at Grumpy's head. She tells the King to ditch the zero and get with the hero, so the King sends Grumpy home and the King and Snow go for a little chat.

Mary Margaret and David are busily overreacting to what looks like a rain storm and decide that their only option is to break into a cabin. Um, guys, it's rain. Get in your car and drive off? What's the big deal? Full disclosure: I'm from Oregon. We overreact to snow, but rain? Come on. Unless you're wearing silk who gives a hoot?

The kids are keeping dry in the Three Bears' cabin and it takes all of twelve seconds for Mary Margaret to confess that she still has feelings for David. And she is still mad at him for choosing Catherine over her. That whole married-to-another-woman-thing is also kind of a bummer. That's why she didn't want him to come to the woods with her. She admits to stalking him, too, but he just thinks that's adorable. Sure, it's all adorable until she boils your bunny. David confesses that he's been going to Granny's at 7:15 just to see her too! He still has feelings for her and it doesn't look like his vows are going to stand in his way and they are about to kiss when suddenly Mary Margaret remembers: The Pregnancy Test. She pulls back and asks David about his questionable morals. He could have a baby on the way right now! How can he be kissing on her when something is potentially gestating in his wife? David stops. He doesn't like getting called out on his questionable morals. Also, he had no idea that Catherine might be pregnant.

The storm is raging and there is rain pouring down, because you know storms! Yawn. Sheriff Emma heads to Granny's because there is literally no place else to go in that town. I mean you can't go home when you're on the job, but you can go loiter around a coffee shop for hours. So Emma goes to Granny's and happens upon the scraggly stranger, because as mentioned, there is nowhere else to go in that town. Some cop! She should have started her search there. She tells him that they need to talk because he is suspicious what with being new in town and not shaving on the regular and all. He stares at her and then she threatens to write him up for talking to Henry and caring a weird box around. He points out that Henry was actually the one talking to him. As for the box, well, he has a long-ass pick up line he would like to try out on her. He is not going to tell her what is in that box for a long, long time. He is going to make her wait a long time and the mystery will only be enflamed! Or she can let him buy her a drink sometime and he'll tell her what's in the box right now. Emma's like whatever, buy me a drink. The man pulls the box over, opens it slowly revealing a typewriter. Oh jeeze. He's a writer! Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your whole life? Emma has no words, but jots down in her notebook: "Suspect is crazy and uses a typewriter instead of computer. Keep close eye on him." Then he leaves without buying her a drink.

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Once Upon a Time




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