In his Duchy, Barony, or Something-y not too far off from the blood red skies of the Ogre Wars, Sir Maurice (Eric Keenleyside) gets news from the battlefield: Avonlea has fallen. Let's stop right here, for a moment.
Sidebar: I was prepared to have a hard time keeping my head in this episode for a few reasons. Emilie de Ravin, who guest stars as Belle in this episode, played Claire on Lost. I covered the last couple of seasons of Lost, for TWoP. My oldest son is pretty much always in the middle of a Lost re-watch. I often watch with him. Hardly a week goes by when I'm not still actively watching Emilie play Claire. Additionally, I knew ahead of time that Rumpelstiltskin's already complicated backstory was going to contort once more, such that we will learn he is the fabled Beast to Belle's Beauty. And oh, how I hated that idea, in theory (we'll get to how it comes off, in practice). Now, Jane Espenson (one of my favorite Buffy writers), has gone and dragged Avonlea into the show. For the uninitiated, Avonlea is a fictional town on the very real Prince Edward Island, Canada -- the setting of Lucy Maud Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables and sequels. See the recaplet for links. I have family on PEI, and I was just there about six months ago. None of these things are bad. I mean, the show isn't doing anything wrong. There are just an awful lot of things pinging me, before I can even settle into the story. Speaking of the story...
Gaston (played by Sage Brockleback, which...with that name, how did this guy not get an "as himself" role in Lord of the Rings) says, "If only he had come." Maurice grumps that he didn't come, and then talks down to his men and the audience. "Ogres aren't men." Yeah, we get that, Show. The point is, they're unstoppable. What I'm still unclear on, is whether Avonlea is Maurice's territory, or a neighboring one, but I'm never going to find out.
Closed Door: Knock knock
Maurice: Who's there?
Open Door: Nobody.
Maurice: Nobody who?
Maurice: Um...nobody who?
Maurice: I do say, nobody who?
Rumpy: [sitting on Maurice's throne] Well, that was a little bit of a letdown. Hee. Aren't I clever? Let me chew up the scenery for five minutes before I get to the point. Om nom nom. I'll help save your town if you give me your daughter.