Once Upon a Time
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 6 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
My Art Is A Lonely Punter

Enchanted Forest: The Evil Queen's Castle is stark, sharp, metallic looking fortress. Like seriously, I hope there aren't any giants around, because they'll put their eyes out on that thing. What shall we call it? Blademoral? Knifingham Palace? Queenie stands at a balcony and... look at her. Lana Parrilla is stunning, in black tail coat and red velvet skirt. The coat has a high beaded collar, and beading adorns the lapels, cuffs and hem. She looks sad as she stares down at a casket covered in red rose petals, below. A weeping Snow comes into view and lays a white rose on top of the red petals. "Goodbye, father." Queenie goes down to meet her, hugs her, and offers her comfort. The women cry over their loss. "I may only be your mother through marriage, but I am here for you, dear -- truly and forever." She's quite convincing here, but I already told you I'm not doing that thing this week, where I pretend I haven't seen the episode. That said, she did fool me, originally. The first time I watched, I expected to learn that this scene took place before Snow did [whatever she did] and Queenie started hating her.

Anyhow, later, Queenie and her guards enter an upper chamber in the palace. Thanks to some expository conversation with the Magic Mirror, we learn that Regina is responsible for her husband's death, and those were not the tears of a mourning widow, but rather, a crocodile. She scoffs about Snow seeking comfort and says she could have killed her right then and there, but the people still love and sympathize with Snow. "They don't know the wretchedness inside her. They don't know what she did to me. We must be delicate in this next phase. Her demise must be handled with care."

Magic Mirror originally suggests the Queenie enlist one of her knights, but Queenie wants someone adept at murder and bereft of mercy. The Mirror says, "Someone with no heart." Queenie: "Now you understand." The Mirror says, "Well, in that case, you need a huntsman.

Enchanted Forest, Day: The Huntsman (Graham) shoots a stag with his trusty bow and arrow. He kneels over his kill, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You have died so that I may live." You know, I'm an unapologetic omnivore, but if you're crying over your meat, you should go veggie. Seriously. It's an option. The Huntsman continues: "Your sacrifice is honorable. I thank you." I'm so saying that over my next lobster. Just then a wolf growls, but the Huntsman is not alarmed, even though the wolf has one freaky blood red eye. When the wolf nears him, the Huntsman says, "Don't worry, boy. You won't go hungry tonight." You hunt for the wolf? Seriously? See, this is just the writers Horowitzing with our feelings, so that when they kill Graham, later, we'll feel even Kitsisier. Can you hear the talk in the war room? Okay, he's a hunter, but let's make him a sensitive hunter, one who cries over his kill, and talks about its "sacrifice," even though it's not like the deer leapt up and tried to catch the arrow with its chest. Yeah, yeah, and he doesn't kill for himself, really. He kills for his best friend, the wolf. Chicks dig that Kitsis.

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Once Upon a Time

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