Once Upon a Time

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 3 USERS: A
You Don't Know Jack

Storybrooke. Sometimes, I'm really glad I recap because when I first watched this scene, I couldn't figure out what Hook was doing, but now I get it. Our swashbuckler is in an alleyway near the water. He lays a Queen of Hearts card on the ground and waits. Seriously, I was ready to bust out our Peter Pan VHS and see if Hook lures the Lost Boys with playing cards, but recapping forced me to look at the card and notice that it is the Queen of Hearts. Clearly, he's summoning Cora, or trying to, but he won't have much luck because Barbara Hershey isn't even in this episode. He gets the next worst thing though -- Regina. He reports the giant is free and that he wants to murder Charming. Regina nearly purrs with delight. "This is exactly the distraction we need." We flash back to...

L'enchantement Pub. Anton reads Jack and James a litany of his brothers' sins. James says sometimes you have to leave home to find your real family. Jack butters him up as well. When James leaves the table, Anton tells Jack his brothers are so wrong about humans. When Anton hears James arguing with a man across the bar, Jack says that the kingdom is broke and deeply in debt to a neighboring kingdom. If anyone utters "fiscal cliff" or "sequester," I'm ending the recap without notice. Do you hear me, Show? If James can't payback what is owed, the neighboring kingdom will invade, plunder and burn the kingdom to the ground. Jack mentions that magic beans bring a pretty price in their world and asks Anton if he has any back home. He lies that he doesn't, but says he does have enough treasure to pay off the debt. "If I'm going to stay here for good, I might as well make sure it's a nice kingdom and not burned to the ground." Jack kisses his cheek and proclaims Anton a hero. I can't wait to kill her off. We flash forward to...

Storybrooke. Regina finds Anton in a secluded location. When he warns her to stay away or he'll kill her, she just laughs. She knows he wants to kill the Prince and would be glad to help. She holds out another white and blue scrubby sponge and says it will temporarily return Anton to his original size. Anton takes it and eats it. Blue magical smoke appears. We watch as Regina looks up and yells at Anton to get to work, since the mushroom won't last forever. We cut to...

Logan Airport. As Henry and Emma wait patiently, Gold paces. When Emma tries to talk to him, he loses his temper then heads off to the bathroom. Gold, I know you're new here, but aside from providing physical relief, never in the history of our world has a visit to an airport bathroom improved the mood. To prove my point, he enters a handicapped stall and punches the daylights out of the seat cover dispenser. Looking down at his hand, Gold sees that his knuckles are bleeding and tries to magically heal them, but his magic doesn't work there. Chin up, it's understandable. The frustration of finding your way to the right parking lot and terminal dampens everyone's mojo. Henry pokes his head in the men's room and warns that they're boarding soon. When the boy asks, "Are you coming?" Gold doesn't answer. Commercial.

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Once Upon a Time




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