Once Upon a Time

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 3 USERS: A
You Don't Know Jack

Storybrooke. Look, I hate the CGI effects too, but I'm not in the mood to harp on them, so I'm leaving it up to you. As Grumpy, Charming and Snow are running from Anton, Grumpy says, "So let me get this straight. You've got a twin brother?" Charming: "Yeah." Grumpy: "Whose name is James?" Charming: "Right." Grumpy: "Well, your name is James." Charming: "No, actually, it's not." Grumpy: "It's Charming then?" Snow: "No, that's the nickname I gave him." They look back as Anton gets tangled up in the electrical wires. Grumpy continues: "Hey, hold on. What the hell is your name?" Charming: "David." Grumpy: "Your curse name?" Charming: "My real name." Grumpy: "What? You're David, James, and Charming? Is David like a middle name?" Charming: "No. It's my name name." The trio is running this whole time. Grumpy's voice grows louder. "You know what? I'll call you whatever I damn well please. Is that okay?" Charming: "Sure, Leroy." Hee. That is every fandom conversation about this ever and possibly a little bit of writers' room discussion near the end. I love it so.

Anyhow, they run to the water front. When Anton catches up, David offers to surrender himself, provided Anton spares everyone in the town. When Snow begs David not to do this, he is his gallant self and says he can't allow the whole town to suffer. Anton accepts the deal, but when he charges toward David, his steps are so heavy he breaks through the ground. Just then, the magic mushroom wears off. When Snow, Charming, and Grumpy look down in the hole, they see human-sized Anton hanging onto a broken pipe for dear life. Commercial.

Enchanted Past. CGIsland. As Anton runs through the palace, he sees fireball. Olaf finds him and reports that human armies have overrun their land. Abraham (who was probably the worst jerk-face in the early scenes) and Andre have fallen to the humans' poisoned swords, and I scroll back and write my mea culpa, but you'll never miss me because thanks to the magic of the internet, I can be in both paragraphs at once. Now I'm feeling bad that I called Arlo Olaf all recap long because the writers went to the trouble of naming all their giants with A names. I wonder if perhaps there's a Bay Bridge rivalry in the writers' room.

When Anton blames himself, it breaks my heart. Olaf tells him it is his job to save the beans and prevent the humans from bringing their violence to every realm. It's like he can see the drones coming, huh? Right now, to fulfill his birthright, Anton must destroy the beans to protect them. We flash forward to...

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Once Upon a Time




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