One Tree Hill
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Ragdoll: C+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
He's Got Game

The game moves at breakneck speed. There's an actual commentator. I didn't know they did that for high school games. There's Peyton, who in addition to liking punk music also seems to be a cheerleader. Well, good for her, I hear you need to be well-rounded to get into college these days. Anyway, blah dee blah Nathan's got the ball, blah dee blah some sort of lay-up, blah dee blah stealing the ball, something about an offense and wham, he shoots, he scores. Wait, wrong sport. Nathan does a "turnaround jumper" and scores again. So far, he's scored seventeen points, and I'm in the Land of Nod. The announcer makes some reference to the team not being this good since Dan Scott played for Whitey. Does no one except me think it's funny every time they call him Coach Whitey? Heh. No one should have a nickname for a real name. Peyton waves her pom-pom. Coach Whitey's team is called the Ravens. Please don't let them ever make reference to basketball and Edgar Allan Poe. I might just have to hang myself with a basketball net. Nathan's dad smiles widely as the prodigal son sinks another three-pointer.

Back on the wrong side of town, Lucas arrives at an outdoor basketball court near the river. The back of his hoodie reads, "Keith Scott Body Shop." Nathan takes off his hood and starts throwing some practice shots. There are commentators here as well: a couple of Lucas's friends who, I'm guessing, make calling the local games a part-time job. Lucas smacks hands with a couple of his b-ball brothers, points, and then sends his cocksure smirk at the "commentators." Apparently, Lucas is 137 and 3 going into tonight's contest. He's a regular wrong-side-of-the-hoops superstar. No one has missed a basket tonight. What kind of stats do these kids have? Shouldn't they already be recruited by the Toronto Raptors and be making a bazillion dollars with endorsement deals if they're that good? Hell, even Superboy misses a basket every now and again. Anyway. Some kid named Junk will be playing Lucas tonight. Junk busts out the obligatory trash talk on the poor commentators by telling one of them that he's got bad body odor. Lucas hasn't taken off his earphones yet. He's so cool; he can play with the headphones on, pumping up the jam as he clears the net again and again. Um, if it's not glaringly apparent, after recapping one episode of this show my name might be Whitey.

Barry Corbin's lost all of his hair since coming home from Alaska. He yells, "You guys are stinking up the place! Time out!" And the subtle machinations of the contrived nature of this show continue -- see, Stinky literally stinks, and right now, the Ravens metaphorically stink. What this tells us is that people actually smell when they come from the wrong side of the tracks. Yawn -- even I'm tired of the sports metaphors and we haven't even gotten to the credits yet. So, they "hustle" and then "huddle" up -- wait, that's football. Whitey dresses them down for not playing as well as they should be playing. Nathan cracks, "Whitey, relax, we're up by nine." Whitey doesn't take kindly to the star player being such a wise-ass, so he benches him. Nathan gets all pissy as he makes his way to the bench. The crowd erupts into "Aw, come on! What's going on? Aw!" Nathan puts on his warm-up jacket. Whitey snarls through his worn-down teeth, "What have I told you about that? I don't care if we're up by fifteen or fifty, it's still my team." He turns away from Nathan, who says under his breath, "Whatever you need to believe." The Coach gives him the evil eye. You know, Barry Corbin has an excellent evil eye. Nathan's got a bad attitude. See, he can be cocky. He comes from the right side of the tracks. He's the star basketball player. He's the biggest fish in this very small pond. Hence, he can act any way the wind blowing on his balls might want to take him.

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One Tree Hill

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