One Tree Hill
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Ragdoll: C+ | 4 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
He's Got Game

The game's in full swing back at the Riverside Courts. Lucas kicks ass all over the place, of course. The commentators yap away like small dogs after a doorbell rings.

The Ravens starts to tank because Nathan's been benched. The first basket we've missed comes from one of Nathan's teammates. The natives are getting restless. Where's their star? Come on, Coach! Whitey grimaces and chews some tobacco. He puts Nathan back into the game. Peyton waves her pom-pom. Then she says, "Let's go Nathan!" Someone hands Nathan the ball to throw it back into play. Before he runs into the court, Peyton says, "Don't bother showering tonight." See, the right side of the tracks means that you can stay dirty by choice. And if your cheerleader girlfriend tells you to stay dirty, sweaty, and smelly, well, it's hot. But honestly -- ew, Peyton, that's gross.

Tweedledum and Stinky are still yapping on about Lucas's shoes and his lack of endorsement deals. Like this kid's ever going to play professional baseball. He's too short. Lucas whips the ball at one of them and knocks him out cold. Well, not really; he just continues to play ball.

The Ravens' game is down to the wire. Nathan shoots for the win with only ten seconds left. The ball leaves his fingertips. The commentator says, "Scott for the game!" Cut over to Riverside, where Tweedledum says, "Scott for the game!" Whoosh. Nathan scores. Whoosh. Lucas scores. Whoosh.

The gym erupts into post-winning chaos. Boys jump on boys. Whitey screams, "All right!" Dan claps and smiles, happy in the knowledge that his son carries the torch of great b-ball genes. He didn't disappoint tonight.

Later, after the game, a school bus barrels down a side street. Music pumps inside as cheerleaders and players are cavorting after the game. One knuckle-headed teammate slaps Nathan on the shoulder as he drives the bus. "Dude!" he says. "Tell me we didn't just steal a school bus! 'Cause this feels like we just stole a school bus." Nathan smiles in his cocky way and says they're just borrowing it. Where'd they get the keys anyway? And where did the school bus come from in the first place, because I thought they were playing at their home school?

Peyton drives her car really fast around a corner. Why didn't she go on the school bus? She bobs her head and looks at a CD while she's driving. Lucas has his Reminem hoodie back on. He bounces the ball as he walks down the street. The bus careens toward a railway crossing where, of course, a train is coming. A high school version of Hotlips Houlihan says, "Hey, Nathan? Where's Peyton?" He doesn't know. She grabs him and jams her tongue down his throat. Note that Nathan is still driving. The bus carries ALL the cheerleaders and ALL of the basketball team. Now that's a mass memorial service waiting to happen. The train steams. Peyton looks for another CD in the back seat of her car. While driving. Nathan makes out with Hotlips. While he's driving. The train hurtles toward the crossing. Someone on the bus screams, "Watch out!" Peyton slams on the brakes because she almost runs over Lucas. The bus stops in time. Whew. Everyone is safe. Except of course for the subtlety of metaphor, which drowned in the obscene misuse of the literal interpretation of the whole "wrong side of the tracks" thing they've got going on. Anyway, there was a cop car stationed near the train tracks, I guess to catch the basketball team who stole the bus that stopped just in the nick of time before crashing into a train meant to symbolize the different worlds of Nathan and Lucas Scott. Can they arrest the writers for murder of metaphor in the second degree?

Lucas drops his hood and smolders at Peyton. Has Chad Michael Murray patented that look? Does he have it insured like J. Lo insures her ass? He sure works it like it's J. Lo's ass. Peyton's not impressed. He takes out one of his earphones, hoping, I think, for her to at least apologize for almost mowing him down with her punk rock car. She doesn't. She gives him a snotty look and waves her hands, motioning for him to get his hot little ass out of the way. Lucas shakes his head a little bit, squints his pretty little eyes, replaces the earphone, and jogs away in his masculine way. I'm a little upset with Chad Michael Murray. I mean, he left Stars Hollow for Worthington, and now he's back in high school. But we're not supposed to mention Charlie or Tristan, so sshhh; it's our little secret, okay? We won't tell anyone he's so dumb that he doesn't even remember loving Rory or singing to Joey.

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One Tree Hill

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