Brooke's Boot Camp for Wayward Spirit Sticks continues. As the girls hold their arms up with pom-poms in the air, she walks around criticizing their postures, their bad breath, and making cracks like, "Peyton. Nice form, and excellent betrayal of a best friend." Everything is "wrong" and "wrong." Peyton looks deflated but she doesn't say anything. Hell, she doesn't even take her arms down. Brooke walks around to the group after giving her last bit of the worst constructive criticism I've ever heard, and starts lecturing: "This weekend is The Classic. It's our biggest cheer competition. Aren't you sick of Clare Young and the Bear Creek Warriors taking home the trophy every year?" Peyton's sweatshirt/jumper says, "London." That's a shout-out, totally -- I was just in London. Heh. Yes, I'm reaching for straws, but this whole cheerleading competition subplot thing is just too easy -- it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Well, I wouldn't exactly shoot the fish, or use a gun -- oh hell, it's just a saying, people, don't call PETA. I promise no animals were harmed in the writing of this recap. Anyway. The cheerleaders are practicing. On cement. In the quad. In the cold. Wearing full make-up, no one's hair is tied back, and not a single one of them have even broken a sweat, and this is how they're going to win the competition? They might want to start with a real practice.
Anyway, moral of the story? Brooke's sick of Clare Young winning the trophy. She's ready to do battle with a pair of poms and a hell of a haughty attitude. Go! Team! Brooke continues, "We need to get it together here, and I'm not just talking about our routine. I'm talking about hair, nails -- underarms, Teresa." Poor Teresa. It's always the bit players who get stuck with the references to stinky pits. The one called "Beven" says, "Brooke, cheerleading is supposed to be fun." Brooke bits back: "Yeah? Well, winning's funner." Pause. "And if you don't like it, you can go cheer for the wrestling team." So there's cheer squad hierarchy? Like if you don't kick ass, you might get stuck with water polo? Or, gasp, track and field? Man, life is so hard when you're young, beautiful, and in great shape. Yawn. Brooke says bitchily, "Take five."