One Tree Hill
Spirit In The Night

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My Life as a Cheerleader

Later that evening, Luke wakes up from a deep sleep to a strange ringing. Nathan's up and playing a video game. Luke looks at the clock and tells Nate that it's four in the morning. Nathan: "If I go to sleep now, I'll never wake up. I'll be a total waste for the game tomorrow." He holds the game up and tells Luke that it's classic basketball. "I'd give you next but you'd probably hurt yourself again." Luke whines, "What is Whitey doing putting us together in a room." Nathan says, "He's just bored and evil." I sort of know where this next comment is coming from, but it's also strange -- maybe Luke's feeling the pressure with Nathan now taking over his world, you know, where Haley is concerned: "You know, when I was younger I always wanted a younger brother. Then I found out about you. Got over that in a hurry." Now, shockingly, it's Nathan who takes the high road: "What you've been doing to Haley. You were kind of a dick to her tonight." Luke squints at him. Maybe he needs glasses. He squints all the time. Oh, right, that's acting. I forgot. Luke says, "You know, she used to be this totally original Haley. Then, you came along." Nathan argues, "As far as I can tell she's still the same person she's always been. The only difference is now she's with me." Pause. He looks over at Luke and retorts, "So maybe the problem's not with her, but with you."

Has morning come this quickly? Right, so here we are at the competition. Welcome everyone! To the corporately sponsored Sparkle Classic! First up are the Bear Creek Warriors! Cue cheerleaders doing back flips. Oh, and chanting: "Bear Creek Warriors! Champions to beat, let's hear it! Better than the Ravens. You'll see!" Heh. Brooke steams. Hey, you know what's different about these girls? Yeah, they're actually athletes with strong legs and muscles and aren't bone-thin like the girls on the Ravens' team. Three cheers for healthy bodies and for this show actually finding some real cheerleaders -- too bad they made them the enemies. Sigh. And they're off. They mix it up. They do the funky funky beat. They wiggle. Roll their arms. They jiggle. They slap their asses and scream, "Bring IT!" And I swear to goodness that if it gets "brought" anymore I'm honestly going to hurl. Girls are lifted up. Girls are dropped. Girls smile and taunt. Oh yeah, and the Bear Creek Warriors kick ass! Sorry, Brooke, but it's the truth.

So now it's time for Brooke's pep talk: "I want you guys to think about Teresa, lying at home, itchy and covered in calamine lotion." Ah, Peyton's got a ponytail. It's cute! She looks like she belongs in Pleasantville. "The last thing she said to me was 'this sucks,' and this will suck unless we win." The announcers belts out: "Next up in this year's Sparkle Classic by Secret: The Tree Hill Ravens!" And I'm seriously hoping we've reached our Secret quota, because one more corporate whore reference and I might hurl, again. And they're off! But before they go, Brooke thanks Peyton for her help. Aw, Peyton says she knows it's important to Brooke, so it's important to her too! Whee. The girls are Kung Fu Fighting. Ah, they're fast as lightning. Whoa. Whoa. Yawn. So they kick. They clap. Mouth watches from the stands and does the moves. It's the cheerleading version of the air guitar. The team watches from the stands also. The boys are smiling. Of course, the boys are smiling, what am I saying: they're quasi-teenage girls in hot cheerleader uniforms. All the stereotypes are working for them today. Some extras do some flips. The girls shake their asses. Haley slaps her thigh and throws her arms above her head with abandon. Gone are the days of almost failing gym class. And the big finish includes a Vegas-style row of high-kicks and an elbow-hip thingy. Heh. After they finish, Nathan embraces Haley and tells her she did an "awesome" job. Haley thanks him while Luke watches them, and wonders if Nathan wasn't right about the problem really being with him.

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One Tree Hill

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