Anyway, moral of the story? Brooke's sick of Clare Young winning the trophy. She's ready to do battle with a pair of poms and a hell of a haughty attitude. Go! Team! Brooke continues, "We need to get it together here, and I'm not just talking about our routine. I'm talking about hair, nails -- underarms, Teresa." Poor Teresa. It's always the bit players who get stuck with the references to stinky pits. The one called "Beven" says, "Brooke, cheerleading is supposed to be fun." Brooke bits back: "Yeah? Well, winning's funner." Pause. "And if you don't like it, you can go cheer for the wrestling team." So there's cheer squad hierarchy? Like if you don't kick ass, you might get stuck with water polo? Or, gasp, track and field? Man, life is so hard when you're young, beautiful, and in great shape. Yawn. Brooke says bitchily, "Take five."
Peyton approaches her cautiously. She doesn't want to get her eyeballs poked out by Brooke's manicured nails. Peyton says, "Okay, you know what? You hate me, I get it, fine. Just don't take it out on our squad." Wow, Bitchy Brooke is back with abandon; she's unstoppable: "Everything is not about you, Peyton. Did you ever think that maybe I'm being a psycho hose-beast because I want us to do well this weekend? Those judges are not going to be as forgiving as I am." Did she just use "psycho hose-beast" in a sentence? Where are the nets? Is Wayne around? Are the writers Canadian? Peyton looks Brooke square in the eye and retorts, "Funny. I didn't know you were forgiving at all." Then she walks away, taking her high road with her. Brooke notices Mouth wandering by and shouts, "Hey Lips! Come here!" He corrects her mistake and walks over to her. She says, "You're going to be at The Classic this weekend right?" He replies, "Ravenshoops.com, I never miss a game." Wow, he put that ridiculous advertising plug in without even losing a beat. I would have cracked up. Brooke doesn't care. She wants him to be her "scout." To scope out the competition for her, and she'll pay him twenty bucks. Mouth says incredulously, "To spy on cheerleaders? I'd do it for free!" And he's in like Flynn. Man, I'm just tossing out sayings left right and centre -- anyone know who Flynn is? Mouth leaves smiling ear-to-ear at the thought of getting to watch rah-rahs all weekend. Brooke snaps, "Okay, break's over. Let's go!" Beven whines, "You said five minutes." Brooke snarks, "Yeah, well, cry me a river." And somewhere, Justin Timberlake wakes up and mumbles incoherently, "Hey, someone just used my song title, they owe me a dollar." Then he rolls over, slaps Cameron Diaz on the ass, and goes back to sleep.
Luke saunters by Woda's office, hoping to slide by unnoticed. He's not so lucky. Whitey shouts, "Lucas! Come in here." Luke shuffles inside and asks the coach what's up. Woda wants to know how his shoulder's healing. Luke tells him that physical therapy is going slowly. Woda says, "Well, that's too bad. We could use you this weekend." Luke replies, "Ah, come on, the Greyhounds suck on D. We'll get your five hundredth win easy, Coach. I just wish I could do my part." Woda stands up for inspiration. He's heard the b-ball gods, and this is his wisdom: "Well, maybe you can. One of your teammates needs a little extra coaching." Luke's eyebrows go up. Of course, he'll help whomever. But whoa, hold up, wait a minute -- could the gods of contrivance be gearing up for a little fun this episode? Because seconds later, in walks Nathan, wondering what the coach wanted to see him about. Woda says, "With Lucas on the injured list you're going to see a lot more double teams. Now, Lucas is damn good at creating space for open shots." Oh. My. God. They're actually talking about playing basketball? I thought that was a ruse. Whew. It's about time they gave Whitey something to do besides coming for dinner and sitting on the damn porch. He continues, "I want you two to work together." Nathan snaps, "There's nothing he can teach me about my game or anything else." And yup, Woda the Attitude Terminator is certainly back in full force as Whitey disciplines Nathan: "He can teach you to listen when I tell you to do something." Pause. "I'd start now if I were you." Heh. Whitey's got a self-satisfied grin on his face. My guess is that he doesn't want the relationship between Lucas and Nathan to end up like Dan and Keith. ["Please. Israel and the PLO don't want to end up like Dan and Keith." -- Sars]