Anyway, Brooke rocks back and forth because she's all pleased, and tells Lucas she feng shui'd his room because it "promotes healing." Well, it's supposed to also promote family harmony and prosperity, so if Brooke's really done her job right, she's ironed out a few problematic plotlines too. She kisses him and Lucas stammers, "Can we have a minute, Mom?" Karen closes the door on them and reminds them, "Keep it short. You need to be in bed." She does not add anything about keeping hands where she can see them or keeping one foot on the floor.
Brooke promptly leaps on this oversight with, "If she's not home, I might even give you a sponge bath." Lucas looks uncomfortable as he explains, "Actually, I can't do that for a while." "Bathe?" asks Brooke. Lucas clarifies: "You know. Sex." Brooke opines, "Sucks. A little cardio may be just what you need, though." Or more sexual pressure from the girlfriend; the fight-or-flight urge'll get Lucas's heart rate up too. Brooke finally realizes that Lucas is not swooning with desire, but rather with nausea. She asks him what's up, and Lucas non-breaks up with her with, "I'm just going to need some time to figure some stuff out." Brooke tells him she'll give him whatever he needs. Lucas gets a look like he's also got a fine case of the spins to go with that nausea, and says, "See, that's the thing " Brooke finally realizes that she's on the receiving end of one of the most passive-aggressive breakups ever. As Brooke heads toward the door and the background music kicks up a notch so we can think, "Ah. This must be meant to be poignant," Lucas tells her he's sorry. Brooke replies, "Apparently not enough." Not enough to do what? Stay in a relationship so she can continue to worship him? Brooke heads outside via Lucas's door and cries.
And then we're in a corporate office downtown, with Debbie's attack lawyer telling Dan to get it through his thick head that Debbie wants a divorce. Dan counters that what Debbie would really like to do is stab him in his sleep. Rather than tell him she's not the only one he has to worry about on that front, Deb points out that it was merely a figure of speech. Dan blusters, "You're trying to shut me out of my son's life, but I won't let that happen. And you know you can't throw me out of the house without a court order!" Again, the ladies miss a prime opportunity to point out that Dan and Nathan aren't exactly re-enacting the heartbreaking conclusion of Kramer vs. Kramer, and instead counter that Dan moved out of his own free will. Dan unctuously counters that his literalist nature led him to flee for his life. In other words, he got all drama-queen on them because he's too stupid to parse a hyperbolic rhetorical device. He then threatens to move back in and Deb says, "I'll get a restraining order! I'll prove what an abusive son-of-a-bitch you really are." Dan blathers some more and muses, "All that stuff from your past may come out in the open." Deb replies, "You really want to do that to Nathan?" and Dan's all, "No. The question is, do you?" Ah, it's the legal version of Dan grabbing Deb by the forearm and shaking her hand in her face while chanting, "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"