Deb wasn't kidding when she told Dan counselling was non-negotiable. We pick up a few weeks past her ultimatum and find the dysfunctional side of the Scott clan sitting on a very long couch. Ann Cusack -- a.k.a. Faux Florence Henderson, right down to the wing-tipped hair flip -- tells them, "Truth is hard, but hostility stays outside." Insert the therapeutic mantra to be shouted from the rafters throughout this episode. Say it with me people: Hostility stays outside. Yawn. Of course, Dan stares out the window, his posture screaming, "I've been made to come here, bee-yatch, so don't try anything." Nate looks down at his feet, and Deb sits between the both of them. No one is having any fun, that's for sure. Faux Florrie says, "Who wants to start?" Dan deadpans, "You're the one with all the answers, Doc. Why don't you tell us." Florrie replies, "Hostility stays outside, Dan." See, he missed the part where we shouted the mantra to the rafters. Maybe he needs to get his ears cleaned. Florrie smiles as she says that because she knows how to handle assholes -- kill more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
Deb quietly begins, "Things have just gotten out of hand, so we thought --" Dan interrupts, "No, you thought --" They bicker for a minute before Florrie asks, "Define 'out of hand.' Nathan?" He snits, "Pass." Why is it that the mother always bears the burden of openness when it comes to family counselling? Why are men so resistant to stuff like this? Deb continues: "We reached the breaking point two weeks ago, when my son..." Dan points at Deb and bitches, "You hear that, 'my son.'" Faux Florrie puts Dan in his place, again: "Deb is speaking now, Dan." Deb corrects herself: "...when our son collapsed on the basketball court after taking drugs to boost his performance." Dan talks over Deb as he says, "The kid made a mistake. He knows that." Deb keeps on, though: "Because his father has been bullying him about the sport since he was old enough to hold a ball." Nathan sits there holding his head in his hand, not really looking at anyone -- more staring at the floor trying hard not to bolt out of there like a skittish colt. Faux Florrie asks, "Is that true, Nathan?" But before he can get a sentence or even a word out, Dan barks, "His mother is so quick to put the blame on me when up until a few months ago her job always came first." Deb concedes that things used to be like that, yes, but that she's changed, and Dan hasn't. Apparently, Dan can't lose the unhealthy obsession he has with basketball. Ahem, at least someone is finally putting all the balls onto the court. Deb and Dan bicker for a minute, blah she blames him, blah shortcomings as a mother; blah, he obsesses over how Nathan plays basketball, blah. Faux Florrie stops the two of them from arguing, and then asks, "Nathan, do you think basketball is part of your family's problem?" Poor Nate, he looks so sullen. He replies, "Part of." She asks, "But you still like playing?" He quietly says, "I don't know anymore." Aw, my heart is breaking, he looks so sad. Of course, big fathead says, "Great, nice breakthrough, Nate." He looks back at the doctor and says, "Thanks, Doc." He gets up, barks, "Hustle up!" to Nathan, and walks out the door saying, "No way this is helping." Nathan slowly gets up, and Deb sits there with her mouth wide open.