One Tree Hill
The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most

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Blame It All On The Ball

The Ravens prepare for battle. There's a lot of "do-ya-wanna-whats" and "ho-yas" and stuff. The strange before-game ritual includes a lot of shouting, hooting, and hollering. Whitey claps his hands together and shouts, "All right! Let's take to the court." The team bounces from foot to foot as the snake-like line of varsity b-ball players slithers its way into the gym. Luke drags along behind like the skin it's trying to shed. Nathan creeps up behind Luke and whispers menacingly, "You want my world. You got it." Um, I seem to remember that Luke doesn't want your "world," butt-nut -- he just wants to play ball. You're the one that keeps insisting that he wants your world.

Courtside. We've got excellent seats. The opposing team warms up by running around and passing the ball. Dan "My Dreams Will Come True" Scott comes sliding into the gym on the grease of his loins. He sees Keith sitting with Haley. "Keith! Finally come to see your nephew play, eh, big brother!" Dan doesn't sit with his brother, but moves so he can be closer to the court, and to Nathan. This man takes the definition of "vicariously" just a bit too seriously. Keith answers, "Yeah, I guess you could say that." Haley smiles knowingly at him. I'm warming up to Haley. Nathan, taking a page from his father's book, warms up by dunking a basket and then hanging off the hoop. The best thing his father ever taught him -- how to show off like a right asshole. Tweedledum and Stinky begin their commentary, but there's still no camera for this mysterious web cast. Blah the Ravens are five and oh, blah Luke's first game, blah six players have been suspended blah. Luke wears the full black warm-up suit as he shoots a warm-up three-pointer. Then he looks into the crowd and sees Dan sitting there watching him. They share a look until Nathan chucks a ball at his half-brother. Then, continuing to taunt the newest member of the team, Nathan says, "Wake up." Brat. Coach Whitey calls them into huddle up for some last-minute instructions.

Peyton and Brooke are standing courtside and holding pom-poms. Peyton looks dumbfounded, like someone just asked her a question she didn't have a clue how to answer. Brooke says, "So that's the boy that beat Nathan?" Peyton doesn't blink. Perhaps she's an android. She nods. Brooke says lasciviously, "He looks good from behind." Well, finally someone has something right.

Whitey says to Luke, "Relax. Destiny has a way of finding you." Oh, wise basketball sage, we'll call you Woda. I have such a hard time believing that Luke's had any kind of rough life. He's so pretty, and he's so cocky. His smirk is one of a boy who knows just how hot he is -- CMM doesn't ride in the Keith's Garage pick-up, he rides up on a motorcycle his parents have forbidden him to have. Any. Way. Suspension of disbelief engaged. The whistle blows, and the game starts. Ravens get the ball on the tip-off. Hey, aren't you proud I even know what a tip-off is? The ball gets passed around as the opposing team tries to get control. Dan yells, "Come on, Nathan!" Luke slips, and the ball flies out of bounds. Peyton snarks, "Nice hands." She's being sarcastic. Luke replies, "Nice legs." Only he's not being sarcastic. Ew. Spicy rock and roll music heats up, and the game continues. The other team runs the Ravens ragged. Luke can't get a basket to save his life. In fact, he totally sucks. Nathan gets nothing but net. Coach benches Luke and says, somewhat encouragingly, "Not your night, son." See, Luke, he believes in you -- that's really all you need. Nathan runs by and gloats. "Start taking notes, punk." Sheesh. It's his first game, people. Give him a break. It's a lot of pressure for the kid from Riverside Courts; you can can't just dress him up in varsity colours and expect him to dance like a Vegas showgirl. ["Although that would make this show a lot more interesting." -- Sars]

The One Tree Hill theme song goes, "I don't wanna anything other than what I've been trying to be lately." Holy crap, the theme song's as convoluted as the rest of the damn show. Couldn't they try something simple for a change? Like, "Who I'm supposed to be"? Or "I just wanna be me."

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One Tree Hill




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