One Tree Hill
To Wish Impossible Things

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Haley checks her program and says, "Oh, Jake's up next. How much money do you have?" Peyton replies, "Eighty-seven dollars and fifty-three cents." Tom Jones's "You Can Leave Your Hat On" starts up as Jake emerges from behind the curtain wearing a giant fuzzy Ravens mascot suit. Whitey bursts out laughing. The girls giggle. Mouth laughs. Jake wiggles a little, dances just enough, and pulls off the giant bird head slowly. He tosses it at Whitey, who is still laughing. He does a walking version of the chicken dance down the runway, which is covered in dry ice. Does Whitey hear twenty dollars? Of course he does. Does Whitey hear thirty dollars? Of course he does. Because Jake! is hot. Does Whitey hear forty dollars? Of course he does. Peyton squeals, "Fifty dollars!" Whitey tries to make Peyton's bid stick, but there's a mysterious woman who keeps bidding higher. Yawn. Haley tells Peyton to "bid it all." Peyton purses her lips, holds up her wallet and shouts, "Eighty-seven dollars and fifty-three cents!" The "mystery" girl bids one hundred dollars. Haley and Peyton look around to see if they can figure out who's bidding on Jake. Even Jake looks around to see if he can see her; of course, he doesn't know who's waiting for him in the, ahem, wings.

Jake comes back into the dressing room and gives Luke the man-slap handshake. Luke laughs, "You dirty bird! Who bought you?" Jake answers, "I don't know, man, but whoever it is, it'll be fun, it's for charity, right?" That's what you're saying now, my brother, but you just wait. Jake tells Luke to "go get 'em." He sighs, and half-shuffles up the steps to wait his turn. From in front of the curtain, Whitey yells, "Let's have our next boy!" Luke's music is pumping, but he just looks uncomfortable. He's got his hands shoved so deeply into his pockets, you'd think they were digging for China. He looks bashful. He looks slightly embarrassed. Of course, the girls eat him up for dinner. The bidding goes fast and furious. We step from twenty dollars to Haley's one hundred and fifteen in a matter of mere seconds. Whitey slams the gavel and Luke's sold. He slides his hands back into his pockets and smiles shyly. What's up with the reformed Luke? Did he suddenly revert into his old self? Haley laughs and says, "Café savings, no way he's worth it, though."

Whitey announces they're down to the last Boy Toy: "So loosen up those purse strings, pucker up those lips and remember, this is for charity." Oh, yeah. Nathan comes out wearing Tom Cruise shades. The girls explode. He tosses the shades to Mouth. The girls swoon. Nathan tears off his tearaways. Not to worry -- he's wearing his b-ball shorts on underneath. Whitey calls out for a first bid. Haley looks shocked when he takes off his pants. A hormone-induced extra screeches, "Eighty dollars." Peyton's mouth makes a very round "O" in shock at a first bid being so very high. Nathan rips off his shirt, and "Boy Toy" is written on his, ahem, freshly shaved chest. Ew. He does a Superman point to the stars and shows off his arm muscles. The girls go crazy, screaming, yelling, hooting, and hollering. Peyton jokes, "Man, it smells like sex in here." Yeah, not the right thing to say to Haley, as she's freaking out now at the thought of her "boy toy" being eaten alive by an auction-crazy mob of freshmen. Nathan turns his back to the audience and flexes. Haley begs Peyton to bid on Nathan to keep him away from "them." Peyton keeps getting out-bid, though -- that is, until Haley finds her "emergency" twenty and gives it to her. Their final bid is one hundred and twelve dollars and fifty-three cents. Sold! Haley hugs Peyton and says thank you. Brooke arrives just as Whitey winds things down: "Now I'm sorry, we're fresh out of flesh. I want to thank you all for coming this evening and supporting this good cause." Which is what? They never name the charity; it's just "charity." But whatever, I guess we don't need to know the details when we've got Jake! in a fuzzy Raven costume, a half-naked Nathan, and a bashful Luke all floating around like quasi-supermodels on that Tyra Banks show. Whitey continues, "Now, all these young men belong to the highest bidders until that midnight kiss. Now, let's try to keep things legal this year." The girl who bid unsuccessfully on Nathan says, "I'll give five dollars for the microphone boy." Mouth stands up and gapes into the spotlight. Whitey looks confused for a minute as a mini-bidding war erupts for wee little Mouth. Brooke stands up tall and shouts, "Oh no! I've got two hundred dollars!" And sold! Whitey gently punches Mouth in the face and jokes, "All sales are final." And that's the end of the annual Boy Toy Auction, and what a tangled web it's going to weave tonight.

Larry Sawyer suavely enters Karen's Café and jokes, "I didn't see you in detention." Karen laughs and asks if she can get him something to eat. He moves around the counter and says, "Well, I was wondering if I could get you something to eat." Peyton's dad is a sexy man. He's tall and has a lovely smile. "Unless you've got plans after work." Man, I can hear Karen's stomach fluttering right now. Larry sits down on a stool and says, "Great, we can go to my place." Karen looks a little scared. Larry continues, "Karen, I'm not a serial killer. It's just a couple of new friends eating food." Why is it every man's defence to say he's not a serial killer? How come they always bring that up when they want to get a woman to their houses? Anyway. Karen says yes. She's doing her best impression of her bashful son Lucas. Larry smiles at her and says, "Good, then it's a date." Karen wiggles her eyebrows and tries not to be embarrassed. But damn, come on! Two of the hottest men in Tree Hill, Keith (whose hot quotient has severely depleted itself with his recent run of bad luck) and Larry (whose hot quotient has severely risen with his return and that wicked-ass car) are after her -- what could be more fun than that?

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One Tree Hill

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