Haley's room is filled with candles and seashells. What day is it? Why is Luke going to school if Haley's parents were away for the weekend? What day was the game on? Anyway. Haley and Nathan are lying in bed. She makes a joke about her parents coming home and acting like she has amnesia. She giggles and says, "So don't freak out if I pretend not to know you." Nathan laughs. Then he says softly, "I think I should get back to the madness." Haley groans and wiggles around on top of him. He continues, "But hey, if I could, I'd stay like this all day." Haley kisses him, and he gets up. She says, "Nathan, about last night --" He interrupts, "Look, it's not about sex with me; when you're ready, I'll be too." They make out. In the morning. Without brushing their teeth. After fooling around all night. After he'd just been dehydrated, re-hydrated at the hospital, and then still recovering from a slight overdose. Can you imagine what his breath would smell like? Ew. Any. Way. We're not in real life, we're in la-la land, so happy music plays, and people make out in their fantasyland where there are no parents and no rules and no consequences.
Deb is working away at Karen's Café when Dan comes in bearing a huge bouquet of red roses. In the Land of Dan, big fake gestures mean he truly loves her. In the Land of Deb, this cries out, "Too little too late." He slides in on the grease of his overcooked cheese of a personality: "Special delivery for Mrs. Dan Scott." Deb shakes her head and lets out an audible you've-got-to-be-kidding-me sigh. She asks, "What are you doing here?" He replies, "I wanted to apologize for last night. We were both spent. We both said things we regret." She tries to make him stop talking. But it seems the gouda inside of Dan just screams to get out. He sets the roses down on the counter: "These are for you." He adds, "I made a reservation at Chatley Resort," and as he raises his eyebrows, mozzarella oozes from his eyeballs. "Remember the view?" Dan's walked forward, but Deb keeps her distance, standing as far away from him as she possibly can. "Dan, if you're in the mood to mend fences, start by devoting a weekend to your son. One without your inflated expectations of him. If you hadn't noticed, the only quality time you've spent with him lately has been in an emergency room." Let's just take a moment to point out that we have no indication that either Dan or Deb even knows where Nathan is at this point. Shall we imagine that he called Deb and told her he was sleeping over at Haley's, and that she's okay with that? Because right now neither one of these two are winning parent of the year awards. But whatever, I promise that for the rest of this recap I'll leave my disbelief firmly suspended from the roof of my living room, bondage gear intact, just so I can get through this for you, my loyal readership. Yawn. Okay, let's just see how long I can go without being completely sarcastic. Oh. Wait. Deb's still talking: "You figure out how to make sure that never happens again, and then maybe you and I can talk." Deb turns around and ruffles some papers. Dan stares at her from underneath some really unfortunate-looking bangs. Yeah, that whole bang trend? Not so good on the men. They all look like pageboys from Medieval Times. Dammit! How long did I last? About thirty seconds. And my disbelief is still hanging by a thread. Okay, I promise, I'll be good.