Open Heart

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Niki: C+ | Grade It Now!
Open Heart

Cut to Kellerman in the scrub room. "Let's do it, guys," he enthuses. He waits for his hat to appear. A newbie indicates the Easy-Bake. Que Paso exclaims, "No, no, no, no, no!" and throws open the tiny steel door. Flames leap out. Kellerman and I roll our eyes, silently praying for patience. Kellerman watches impassively as they assault his lucky hat with a fire extinguisher and present him with the charred remains. "Whoops," says Wendy Whiner, ducking slightly and awaiting the explosion. Kellerman forces his voice to remain calm and assures them that it's okay. "Major bad karma," Que Paso helpfully points out. Gee, I wonder if the surgery will go well?

At 8:57 AM, we find Fishlips harassing a nurse for not saying "have a nice day" enough. She asks if it would be so hard to utter those "four little words" that "just might brighten a sick person's day." The nurse glowers in response. Fishlips jerks her head in dismissal. A man approaches Fishlips, asking if she knows where he can find Kellerman. She glances up from her clipboard and evaluates him over the top of her glasses. She asks whether he has an appointment. He stammers that he doesn't, and she says briskly that he needs one. The man adds that he's a friend. Fishlips apologizes and slips off her glasses, saying that Kellerman is on his way into surgery. "Have a nice day," she adds, giving him a saccharine smile.

Posner tells Yang she's "got a hit." He gives her the patient, Lin's, rundown. Yang tries to shirk it, saying it's one of the other interns' turns. Posner says the patient asked for a Chinese doctor. Yang protests that she's only half Chinese. "Suck it up, Yang," Posner snits.

Thor lumbers up to the nursing station, bellowing for the "burrito guy." He gets a rundown on the status of the ER, capped off with the disappointing news that the burrito guy isn't coming in. Thor, nonplussed, slaps down a folder and storms to the staff fridge. He emerges with a bag of Chinese leftovers. He ignores the warning that the food's been sitting there for a week, proclaiming that "Chinese food and women get better with age." He'll be puking within the hour. The only uncertainty is whether it'll be the result of the Kung Pao or that line. Dalgety breezes past, informing a nurse that he's going on his rounds. Thor stops him to offer up a fortune cookie. He reads out Dalgety's fortune -- "Wherever you go, go with all your heart" -- in a suitably mocking tone. Dalgety laughs. Thor reads his own: "You have an ugly heart and are well despised." Dalgety laughs even harder. A young doctor leads the lumbering "friend" of Kellerman's past them and into a room. The guy's busy complaining about his back spasms, and the doctor assures him that someone will be there soon to check him out. Thor, meanwhile, is already realizing the error of his ways. He spits a mouthful of food into the bag, looks suitably disgusted, and takes to bellowing about the burrito guy again.

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