MONDO EXTRAS

9:40 - And now after an hour of everyone talking about him incessantly, Hugh Jackman actually takes the stage. He and Nicole Kidman are presenting the sound categories. Did you know that we went directly from the Chaplin era to THX? History! And more nerd-pandering with the sounds of Star Wars! (Meanwhile, James Franco has apparently zonked out somewhere backstage.)

9:43 - Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win best score for The Social Network. Suck on that, Inception bongs! The dream of the '90s is still alive, NIN fans.

9:45 - False alarm about Kidman and Jackman presenting sound categories. Matthew McConaughey and Scarlett Johansson (two hard-to-spell names at once, show? You got something against bloggers or something?) are here now to do those poor bastards. Sorry, talented and skilled sound mixers, this is a time-honored bathroom break time for most viewers.

9:47 - Inception wins for sound mixing and sound editing. Because they're not winning any real categories. (And Nolan's face really says he knows it.)

9:53 - The lovely Marisa Tomei is on stage wearing what Mindy did to her junior year homecoming dance, talking about the technical awards they gave away off-screen. Next!

9:55 - James Franco said "Congratulations, nerds" to the recipients of the technical Oscars. COULD THIS SHOW BE ANY MORE YOUNG AND EDGY???

9:57 - Cate Blanchett called The Wolfman's makeup gross, then gave it an Oscar for it. That counts as two compliments, we guess.

9:58 - We're hypnotized by Rick Baker's long, luxurious silver ponytail. What a magnificant beast. But who can tame him?

9:59 - And the costume Oscar goes to Alice in Wonderland. At this point, it should be mentioned that presenter Cate Blanchett is wearing a Fabergé egg for a dress.

10:01 - Best song time, introduced by some yahoos on the streets of L.A. talking about how much they love "Footloose" and stuff. Always love hearing what some L.A. assholes with nothing to do in the middle of the afternoon think about things.

10:02 - Kevin Spacey is singing. This show is insane -- who's in charge here? Ke$ha?

10:03 - Randy Newman singing his nominated Toy Stoy 3 song. Sounds not unlike every single other Randy Newman song we've ever heard at an awards ceremony and absolutely nowhere else. Really wish he'd arrived on stage inside a giant egg.